Puddles and Cockroaches

We are back in Haiti! The house is quiet, Ron is praying over the kitchen sink, and I'm sitting down on our interesting couch with my leg up (the couch is a story for another day). Naomi is next to me eating popcorn with a rag on her nose. It's been a "normal for us" couple of hours. The sink is clogged, so Ron is trying to get the grease to go down with boiling water. Otherwise, he will be slightly unhappy to have to try to pull the sink apart. We are wondering if the faucet for our sink was in the missing bag? It has not materialized here, but it could be in one of the bags coming in with the Oregon medical team next week.

Since the sink is not working to even drain water, we're having to haul water both ways. We take the dishes downstairs (outside by the faucet) to wash them. There is still somehow remaining buckets of used water in the kitchen from a range of things. The kids are responsible for bringing water into the kitchen (and bathroom in buckets) and then we dump the used water into the toilets to flush. There is a whole process we previously developed in how this is done (in a relatively expedient way), but it seems while we were in the states, most of the kids have forgotten the routine. We're back to having puddles on the tile floors, hence me sitting with my leg up and me sitting in a quiet house.

After dinner, I proceeded to step from the dining room into the entryway (one step down) and slid onto my behind. In the process, I somehow came down hard on my knee and it has swollen up. (Amanda and Julia~ I feel your pain from last fall when the same thing happened to you in a short period of time). First you feel pain, then you feel the puddle you are sitting in, and then you feel a bit of annoyance at whoever spilled the water on the floor without cleaning it up. And in our home, it's kinda like Bill Cosby's home. Truthfulness is not always the first response. Where I want to hear, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Are you ok?" instead we may get "So and so did it. It wasn't me".  Basically we see one child pointing the finger at another when honestly they may not even know who splashed the water in the first place. Possibly because they were in la-la land when it happened BUT they are confident it could not have been them.

After a few minutes without the apology I was praying for, I made the executive decision for everyone to go to bed (after of course they cleaned up the water). We have a peaceful home at the moment and tomorrow will be a new day! It was actually a blessing in disguise. The kids need some extra sleep. They begin their first day back in formal homeschooling with our amazing homeschol teacher Joan in the morning.

Naomi is sitting next to me because her nose is bleeding. Ever since the battery incident, she has had trouble leaving her nose alone (or maybe before that and therefore we had the problem), but before Naomi didn't have nosebleeds. In the past few months, it has been a fairly regular occurrence.

Other then that, life is good and God is good! We are so thankful to be "home" to the familiar. The cockroaches were happy to occupy our house while we were away. It's sad for them, but we have kindly requested that they vacate. Some have refused and we have been forced to smash them in the process. We're learning to make noise as we enter the kitchen again. It is so much better to turn on the light, stomp your feet, and maybe even bang a pan together before opening a drawer. I would rather have them run off from the sound then see them scatter off when we open the drawer or cupboard. This way I can live in denial pretending that they have all vacated the premises.

I know they are relatively harmless, but they're still yucky and HUGE. The kitchen and bathrooms I can understand and expect, but the bedroom are bothersome. Roseminique had one in her bed the other night. Whenever I see one in a bed, I think of a little girl up at the clinic that had one stuck in her ear.  It had crawled in so far that the team was unable to remove all of it.

Please pray that the cockroaches go away! And that the tarantula that was in the entryway to the house does not find the inside of the home.

We will be transitioning to a consistent schedule in the morning which should help everyone to function better. Sometimes I don't "want" to have a time for everything and a person for everything (who does what on what days and what time they do it), but with our family, it makes everything manageable and actually helps to regulate our kids. This way they know what to expect and they are a part of the process of planning (which makes them less likely to grumble over it). I think that most people actually function better operating on a schedule and especially knowing (to some degree) what to expect. We know that God can often change things up for us. It is good to be adaptable, but planning our days helps us to be more happy and productive while we wait on the Lord to reveal his amazing plans in our lives.

Bright and early we will do devotions as a family and again in the evening. This is what we should have started immediately the first time we moved to Haiti, but because we did not schedule it (and were somewhat in survival mode),  devotions in the beginning were sporadic. We had good intentions, but I have found that often if we do not actually schedule it and write it down, our good intentions simply remain "intentions".  Now though, we have dedicated time with the Lord (as a family) as a top priority.  It changes our whole day. Yes, there will still be spills on the floor and the usual drama that comes with having children, but it gives us a different ability to handle the challenges that come to us.

We appreciate everyone's prayers and support for our family! We feel incredibly blessed to have met so many amazing people over the summer. We're thankful the Lord gave us the opportunity to visit so many friends and family. We miss everyone already, but we are grateful to be home.

Please keep watching the blog.....New and exciting things are on the horizon!

Something Fluffy.....

Ok...already after the post last night, I have been encouraged to post something fluffy, so here goes:

Apparently the post from last night was kinda a downer. I'm sorry about that! Just for clarification, the negative people are in the minority. The vast majority of people we encounter are extremely supportive of our family and ministry. The vast majority may not understand, but they believe that God is in control and calls each person in different ways. The vast majority are an incredible blessing and we could not do what we do without so many people loving us, supporting us, and praying for us!

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers! And....if you're in the Portland, Oregon area, we're having a potluck this afternoon at our old house in Hillsboro. Please feel free to stop by.

A New Season in Life……

It’s been an amazing summer! We praise the Lord for his provisions throughout this journey, but we are certainly ready to return to Haiti. We entered into a new season in life last year and are excited about what the Lord has in store for the years ahead. It has not always (or even often) been easy, but we have learned a lot and pray that we take what we have learned and use that knowledge to the glory of God.

Of course learning has it's share of challenges. Often we have seen in life that various events happen and we may wonder what exactly we were supposed to learn from those experiences. Many times it is years later that it finally dawns on us what God was trying to show us through the experience.

The first year, we were pretty much just getting our feet wet. Some of the puddles we stepped in seemed to be much bigger then others! I can’t even begin to explain the eye opening moments on the field that hit us unaware. Ministry is tough, but God is good! Working within ministry is difficult on so many levels, but generally in the areas you would never think would be difficult. On the other hand, we also know that some of the most rewarding things in life come through trials and struggles. If we had it in our minds to take the easy path, we never would have opened our doors to so many children from hard places.

Just beginning to experience what it's like to be a full-time missionary has been interesting to say the least. The scrutiny of this new life is something we hadn't thought much about in advance.  We continually pray about what our response should be. We have lived so many years in a life that most people did not understand. We have been accustomed to being under scrutiny and with that often judgment. This part is nothing new to us. The challenge has come with the effect of that scrutiny for our family on the mission field. What people think and feel about us is drastically different when we are relying on prayer and financial support from others.

Over the years, there were opinions about being a working (outside the home) homeschooling parent. This was not often favorable, but whether people liked what we did or not did not really effect our day to day life. Although we had help in the home and basically an in-home teacher, it was often viewed as less then because after all, the mother should be homeschooling the children. Traveling frequently within the homeschool community was sometimes frowned upon as well. Statements would be made by other mothers that “Well, I would just never do that to my kids” (referring to going out of the country while you have kids at home). I think many individuals did not really consider the process the Lord brought us through and how we ended up with so many children in the first place. Most of them were from third world countries. We were very aware of what was left behind in their homeland and felt truly called to more then the specific children in our home. But it was out of the norm for the homeschool community and our life was just plain out of the norm for US society as a whole. 

When we began on this journey of full time ministry service, we were often confronted with a similar thought process. “But….you already have your mission field in the home. Why would you do more?” There was a lack of belief that God could and would call us to more. To me though, it was a no-brainer. Of course he would call us to more. There are more of us to serve, so why wouldn’t we be called to do more? Sometimes we were confronted with this thought process and other times we would hear second hand that this person or that person thinks you have no business taking all those kids to Haiti. Didn't you in fact "save" them from that country? Why would you take them back there?

Why can't it be as simple as that God called us to bring them (and all of us) back there? And by the way, we did not "save" them from their country by moving them to the great USA. The Lord is our only savior and he's a savior of souls. All we did was provide food, clothing, shelter, and hopefully some love. 

We began to see the limitations that the world and sadly the people within the church body can place on God’s calling. Four years ago we took a road trip similar to the one we took this summer and visited numerous mission organizations. Most of those organizations had family size restrictions, age restrictions, and a range of other qualifications that we simply did not meet. We had too many children, not enough money, and were too old (hard to believe because we are only in our 40’s). I understand why these guidelines were put in place by many ministries, but I also felt like these guidelines were placing God in a box. What God is capable of often does not make sense or fit in any one box.

These were reasonable logistical concerns, but our God is a God beyond reason. It doesn’t mean we should not use the brain that the Lord blessed us with, but we cannot let worldly limitations hinder what God has in store for our lives. So many times the things we have seen the Lord do simply has not made sense in the world. It doesn’t make logical sense that our first adoption would cost more then our annual income, yet miraculously (without coming into any significant windfall and without receiving any large donations) we were able to complete the adoption without going into debt.

Most of us know the story of five thousand men being fed by five loaves and two fishes, but we often look at that as a “story” that happened in Biblical times. Do we truly believe that God can and does multiple far beyond our comprehension even in today’s times? Part of the challenge is that we’re not good at waiting on the Lord and we’re certainly not good at being told no.

We may lack faith at times because God hasn’t always provided in our timing or because He has said no and brought us down a different path. We're too busy being upset that God changed our path to fully appreciate the glory in the road he has us on. God’s timing is often drastically different then our own, but when we wait on the Lord AND are willing to follow the Lord in a new and sometimes scary direction, we realize that God’s plan is so much better then our own and definetely worth the wait!

Since we have been on the mission field, we have learned that our priorities need to be in order. We must place God first, then our family, and then the ministry. This did not happen in the first three months on the field and we paid the price for that dearly. We simply were in survival mode. It has been a difficult balance to keep our priorities in line. We know we will often be pulled in multiple directions, but are thankful that God is greater then these details.

There has been difficulties in a range of ways, but most of these difficulties have little to do with the logistics of living on the mission field or creature comforts. Yes, it is not always easy to live with limited electricity or running water, but that aspect is minor in the grand scheme of things. Feeling isolated has been more of a challenge. We are not accustomed to being “stuck” in a secure/lock down environment. For safety reasons, it is not often a great idea to be out and about at night. There’s really not many places to go at night anyway though.

Still, we had been used to just popping in the car and running up to get this or that. I remember a similar adjustment many years ago when we moved out to the mini farm. We had to plan going to the grocery store due to the time that it would take to get there and back. We had to get used to not going into town more then a couple of times a week. We also had to get used to people not really visiting us because they thought we lived so far away.

In Haiti, it’s somewhat the same. We plan our trips to town and we don’t expect people to come and visit us. This we will get used to, but there has been a transition time of missing our friends and missing the freedom of having so many things at our fingertips.

Coming back to the states every three years seems like a good option. It can seem like a long time to not see friends or family, but then I think about my mother and my grandparents and I think three years is pretty fortunate. If God provides that, we will be thankful! I asked my mom how often they came home on furlough from China and she said every seven years. They had to take literally a slow boat from China traveling many months to return to the states. It wasn’t so simple as hopping a few planes and arriving the next day.

Knowing what my mother and grandparents experienced makes me feel like a big whiner at times! We really don't have it so tough in comparison. These are also things we pray about continually. How much do we disclose to people and how much do we explain? Do we need to emphasize the fact that we do not live in a hut in Haiti? Some people assume that we must live in a house with a dirt floor and if we don't, we're not really missionaries. I'm an introvert by nature and a mental health professional that has been trained to keep her mouth shut. This makes explaining some of these details complicated. Therapists spend more time listening then talking, but now I am in a position to decide how much to tell people.

Originally I basically thought that if it didn't affect my family or the work that I'm doing on the field, I did not really need to tell the general population why I was doing what I was doing. Yes, I understand and believe in being held accountable for our actions, but it's different to be accountable for proper behavior and telling details of your life and activity because otherwise people will fill in the blanks themselves and assume something entirely different then what you intended. For example, apparently someone with some resources considered donating some money to our family, but the person changed their mind after a conversation about where I was and when I was coming back. Apparently the limited answers did not meet their expectation.

I have my hand in a million things. I know people have a hard time understanding that, but that is really how I function best. My husband thankfully supports my involvement in a range of ministries, but does not keep track of all the details. This is normal for our family, but is outside of normal for ministry. For one, women are often on the sidelines in ministry instead of being a key player. For another, most missionaries have a pretty narrow focus. They do babies or homeless or pregnant women or some other specific thing. Us on the other hand, we do a range of things.

This is one of the things that is difficult to explain. There are reasons why we do a range of things and there are specific ways that the Lord has tied it all together, but when we do not explain the details, people tend to believe that we can't possibly be effective if our vision is broad or our ministry is so diverse. Again, we see things in a worldly way and see 5 loaves and 2 fishes with 5K people. It doesn't make sense to people.

The person apparently did not like that my husband didn't know exactly where I was at and exactly when I was coming back. Granted, he could have looked up those details in our google calendar and told the guy where I was and when I was coming back, but we never had the chance to explain at all. For me, I tend to think that it doesn't matter that much. People give based on all kinds of things. It's their money and they can do what they want with it. We have been confronted by the belief system that we need to learn to care about how people interpret each and everything that we do and say or we will not have the funding that we need to remain on the field. hmm...I don't agree with that. I believe we should care about people in general. I believe in transparency. And I believe we are accountable for our actions, but I cannot take responsibility for things that people assume without asking.

Please.....if you have a question, just ask us. I don't post everything on our blog or on Facebook not because I'm trying to hide the fact that I travel or do a range of other things. In fact, I would love to share about the various conferences I travel to and the reason I go to the orphan summit or the caribbean psychological association or trauma training. I would love to talk about how I received a scholarship to attend and how another ministry gave me air miles and another person offered me a car and a place to stay (time and time again). I simply am busy though and don't always share these kinds of details due to time restrictions. If I were posting each and every thought that popped into my head, I wouldn't have time to actually do what we've been called to do.

I will say though that we are not using funds that people donate for our family and then traveling to a conference or a training. I'm not jetting off to lay on the beach somewhere. Amazing people and ministries have provided the funding for me to travel to these events and we praise the Lord for the opportunity to learn and serve in so many ways. It has been said to us or about us, why would we give money to help the Sheppard's when Linda is traveling all over the place or when they have an RV or took their kids to Disneyland? Do I really need to explain how we came to have an RV or how people came together and pitched in for Disneyland?

These kinds of challenges have been enlightening. I've worked in non-profit for many years (when I say worked I mean served long hours for free), but I guess I never cared all that much about funding. I still don't. Maybe that's part of the problem. Please join us in prayer in knowing how to respond to some of these concerns. I believe strongly that we need to have our house in order and we also need to share details to our supporters, but help us to find the balance between sharing details and catering to the judgment of others.

It’s Not Easy Being Green, or Blue, or Black, or Disabled: Challenges in Having a Different Life

Sometimes I feel like Kermit the frog and want to sit on a lily pad singing about how it's not easy being green, but in our case maybe sing about how it's not easy simply being different.  I embrace "different" and believe God made us all unique, but I also realize that it's not always easy.

I’m not sure that I should even address this, but I want to at least aim for humility and transparency in my posts. The Lord continues to open my eyes each and every day to areas where I need improvement. I know that the things that I feel may not always or even often be God honoring.  I am a work in progress! My thoughts can be greatly influenced by people in society and by the fallen world that we live in. It helps to toss some of these thoughts down on paper (or on the computer in this case) as we continue to pray about what the Lord calls us to do about many of these challenges in life. 

I have to admit that sometimes I look at pictures of a couple of my kids (the ones that look somewhat like me) and I feel happiness along with a deep sense of grief.  Sometimes I walk in the store with a couple of my kids that could “pass” as my biological children and I feel a sense of relief before feeling a deep sense of sadness.  I feel relief to not be bothered with stares and the oftentimes well meaning questions and then the sometimes not so well meaning statements. I will also admit that there are times that I feel like a weight is lifted when I escape the scrutiny of bystanders, but then I feel a deep sense of sadness realizing this weight/scrutiny will never be lifted for many of my children. I wonder about famous individuals in Hollywood with the recent suicide of Robin Williams. What it must feel like to be "on" every single place that you go must be a heavy weight to carry. 

It is easy to live in this world and develop the mentality that things will be better next week or next month or next year. Things will get better when we get this debt paid off or when our children are older. What we soon discover is that things really are not much better no matter what wealth, fame, success or other achievements in life come our way. I am encouraged by Paul in Romans 8:39 that "neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". No matter how far we travel, no matter how far down we fall, or how high we rise, nothing will separate us from the love of Jesus. I am certain that without the Lord, we are lost. There is no meaning in life and the world is a miserable place. The difficult part though is that even with the Lord, life is still hard, pain still comes, and individuals may still find themselves on the brink of despair. But even in that despair, the Lord is with us. 

Thankfully our family is not on the brink of despair at this moment. We have been there before and we hope to never go back there again! It is difficult to explain though what it feels like to be a family like ours. I know people seem to think we have some magical powers. They want to think that our kids were a mess, but when they came to us, God miraculously healed them from their medical issues or behavioral challenges. They want to think that God took away the pain of their trauma and everything got better. I'm here to say that this is not true. We have certainly seen miraculous things and God has done a tremendous healing in the lives of many of our kids both physically and emotionally, but they still carry scars from the trauma. Often our children did not miraculously get better in our home (at least not overnight). It took years and years and is still a process we are going through. 

As many of you know, seven of our children came from what is considered disrupted adoptions. The children's original adoptive placements did not work out for a range of reasons and the children eventually came to be a part of our family. Most of them would not be in a family unit if they were not here in our home. They were at the end of the line and would have moved into the state system or treatment centers. Many were frankly harmful to themselves and to other people and it scared their original adoptive parents. 

Having children that have a range of challenges comes with its share of concerns. Having these unique traits on display for the world is a whole story in itself.  There are moments of clarity where I notice the strain that it takes on a family unit, but most of the time we just hunker down and keep moving forward with continual prayer, prayer, and more prayer.  I have been so consumed by the journey that we have been called to in our lives that I have not had the luxury of noticing the moments when we are not under scrutiny. For so many years, I have had numerous children alongside me that we have simply grown accustomed to being looked at and talked about. We have gradually grown accustomed to a new kind of normal.  In fact, someone that worked at a rest stop as we were all traipsing into the bathroom came up to me and said  “Oh my gosh. I didn’t realize that Mother Hubbard existed until I saw you”.  I realized later that they must have meant the little old lady that lived in a shoe (who had so many children she didn’t know what to do).

Sometimes I am still shocked by these comments. I don’t often think about what we must look like until it is pointed out to us.  There are the rare moments where I look at other people and realize we look different somehow. Sometimes I notice a mother walking with 4 of 5 kids and think, “Wow! She has a lot of kids” and then realize that I have 3x’s as many children. 

As our kids get older and I am out and about with various ones instead of the entire crew, I am beginning to come out of the fog and see things differently at times. There are actually times when nobody takes a second look at us. This feels odd, but I find myself relaxing my shoulders, breathing deeply, and letting my guard down a bit. I had not realized that for years I was walking around in this “on guard” state of being simply due to the continual questions (and of course raising kids with trauma histories). There is a degree of secondary trauma just from living the life that we do as a family. Don't get me wrong. I love adoption and the diversity of our family unit. I also enjoy sharing our stories and our journey with others along the way, but sharing deliberately for a purpose is different then being asked personal questions with random people wherever we go.

Years ago I met a person that had adopted black children and one thing she said to me was, “You will learn to not make eye contact with people at the grocery store”.  At the time, I thought that was crazy. Why would I not make eye contact with people when I’m out and about? Now though I realize, sometimes we’re just TIRED and it is easier to not look at people and hear or see the response.

I have never really cared much about genetics, but these things are pointed out to us on a regular basis. I have never had any desire to create a mini-me, but the Lord somehow thought to give us a couple of mini-me’s through adoption. Funny how God has a sense of humor! These turn of events have sometimes popped my mind into the “what-ifs” in life. I’m incredibly thankful for the life that the Lord has given us as well as the family we are blessed with, but it is a different life then we ever imagined and some of the elements of that life are burdensome.

There are times when people will comment on how much Naomi looks like me and if the other kids are not with me, I can simply nod, and smile, and move on with my day.  They do not know that Naomi came close to death, that she spent her first 2 months in the NICU, and that she later had heart surgery. They certainly do not know of the miracle of her adoption being a frozen embryo and having an open adoption with her placing family. When people comment on Naomi, they simply comment as though she is a biological child. I actually have a choice and can share her story for a purpose whenever I feel like it instead of being called upon to explain with random individuals. 

I do not need to filter questions regarding why she is in our family (adoption or transracial questions) because she simply looks like me. I can look around without avoiding eye contact because nine out of ten people will not bother to say anything to me at all (where as nine out of ten would ask or at minimum look at us with our transracially adopted kids). There does not “need” to be a discussion about adoption or a pre-scripted response in my head in order to respond to well-intentioned individuals. Adopting transracially brings forward a whole new element that I have always been good with, but it does in fact bring forward additional details that we need to twirl around in our head and figure out what to do with. I would not change dealing with these challenges, but it is not always easy.

At some point, we reached an acceptance that this life we are blessed with is HARD and is simply going to be hard instead of looking to the grass on the other side. I love how Erma Bombeck emphasizes that the grass is always greener over the septic tank. Regardless of where you are and how good it may look somewhere else, there is poop over there too. We realize this and to the best of our ability try to find the joy within the moments we are given regardless of whether anything changes or not. 

There can though be grieving that comes with this process of acceptance. Maybe in some ways it is similar to the feelings of an adopted child that loves their adoptive parents (and would not change their life for anything), but still grieves the loss of their birth family or genetic family. It is sad that our children have to filter questions regarding their place in the family on such a regular basis.  There is a grieving process for the imagined life (that never really existed to begin with) as we grow to accept this “new normal”. This is not just from being a transracial family, but also from being a large family, and from having children with visible disabilities (I say visible because we do have children with less visible disabilities, but we do not need to filter as many questions in these cases). I cannot tell you how many individuals asked what Melissa did to her hand or leg on this trip. It's not bothersome from people we are getting to know through a range of connections. We don't mind educating on cerebral palsy, but it can be tiring when it's just some random person at McDonald's. 

I was sitting at a baseball game about a year ago and I realized this sense of grief. We had been invited and given free tickets, so my husband and I went to an opening game.  We were there without our kids and were surrounded by typical families (if there is such a thing). My husband said something about how it would be nice to bring all of the kids (but of course this is somewhat out of our budget as a large family) and I remember looking around and imagining our family there. Yes, they would have fun. We would all have fun. It would be nice to be able to bring them, but then I really started to notice all the families.  Many of them had bought T-shirts and hats representing the team. Many were buying hot dogs and drinks for their kids. Do you know how much that would cost for a family like ours? We could maybe bring them all to a game on some special deal (and a co-worker actually did arrange for us to bring the kids later), but we would never buy everyone a $5 drink AND $8 hot dogs. That’s just plain crazy!

Then I started to think about what those families do in their lives. Maybe they have a house, two cars, maybe they have even progressed to a mini van. They probably have a dog in the backyard and their kids have friends over to spend the night. Maybe their parents invite the neighbor kids over and they set up a tent in the backyard. These are “normal” everyday things that are simply no longer a part of our lives. We no longer have “normal” with the history of our kids.

We have long outgrown two cars or even two mini vans. We are now living a whole normal and it is night and day different from the majority of the population. This may be even more so now that we live on the mission field with such a large family. Most mission organizations would not even consider such a large family just simply due to the logistics of getting a family the size of ours onto the field. There are (thankfully) rare times when I feel a tremendous amount of grief about being so very different then other families. I know that what is seen on the surface (happy family: two parents, two children, decent/middle income) is somewhat of an illusion. Every family has some degree of dysfunction and every family has trials and struggles in life. But sometimes…….I wonder, what would it be like if our differences were not right out in the open for everyone to evaluate and scrutinize?

Although it is not obvious, our kids that “look like us” have as many, if not more challenges then our kids that look different then us. The difference is that many people do not realize it and therefore they do not proceed to ask about it regularly.  There have been many moments of pain and suffering from having children with significant medical concerns to raising kids with trauma histories. Add on top of that, all the input from strangers everywhere you go, and it’s not always easy. We have had to find joy within suffering in our lives in order to fully appreciate the life the Lord has blessed us with. This has been a difficult journey at times.

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 
(2 Corinthians 1:5)

If our focus was on obtaining happiness in our lives when our kids no longer pop into a fight, flight, or freeze response or when our kids begin to give and receive affection or when our kids actually love us unconditionally the way we hope to love them, we would be a miserable family indeed. Parenting (and especially parenting kids with trauma histories) is a testimony (to me) of how Jesus loves all of his children unconditionally even though many of his children do not choose to walk alongside Him, follow his path in their lives, or even proclaim to love Him.

We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4)

For those of you that are in the midst of suffering, I pray that you find peace within that suffering.  God has not left you alone! He will never leave you or forsake you.

We were listening to the pastor that married us speak at a church we attended on Sunday. It had been many years since we had seen the pastor and his wife. One thing stood out in my mind while listening to him preach. He commented on how he has found that even doing work for the Lord is more fulfilling then any past time activity that may amuse us. I will have to agree with that. Ministry work can be boring, tedious, and just plain un-fun (is that even a word?), but I would rather serve the Lord in tough/miserable times then live a life of ease and luxury, but forever be separated from God.

Fun Times at Disneyland

We had an amazing time at Disneyland. Thank you to everyone who contributed to this endeavor. It is heartwarming to see so many individuals gather around and support our family in so many ways. We were able to get an international youth group rate, which saved us quite a few hundred dollars. Our first seven children had been to Disneyland over 10 years ago, but the most recent seven had never been there. It really was a once in a lifetime experience!

We spent 16 hours at the park. Naomi was awake the first 15 hours, so there were a few semi-meltdown moments with her. There were too many exciting things going on for her to fall asleep. Overall though, everyone did really well. It was Roseminique’s 12^th birthday. We had celebrated the day before with cake and pizza at our friend from Nightlight Adoption’s home in Yorba Linda, but it was fun to spend her actual birthday at Disneyland.

I spent many summer vacations going to Disneyland when I was a kid. My mother’s family was in the Los Angeles area, so we would travel there to see them. Plus my mom was a teacher and had the summers off. We would travel on the Amtrak train. I remember those days fondly, but when I really think about it, I know there were the normal moments of misery. I spent most of the traveling time throwing up because I struggled with motion sickness and migraines as a child. I also remember stepping on the back of my mother’s heels and her saying to me that I must be doing it on purpose because I kept doing it over and over again, but I honestly just wasn’t paying attention and would keeping walking (on top of her) when she stopped or slowed down. We had the same problem on this trip. Dad was telling Billy to slow down and watch where he was going because he kept pushing Melissa’s wheelchair into people’s legs. There were other kids that were pushing Naomi’s stroller and popped off David’s shoe because they ran him over.

These simple things bother me as a parent. I can tell that we have been in the RV long enough (over 7 weeks) when I am losing my mind over someone sitting on my Styrofoam cup for the 10^th time. For my birthday at the end of June, I found Ron and Julia buying me a plastic cup with a lid at Walmart because we were having the same issue at the beginning of the summer. I remember saying to them, “I just want the Styrofoam cup from McDonald’s so that I can refill it when we’re in the RV”.

I will have to admit that I am very much an all or nothing type of person. I want things the way I want them or I don’t want them at all.  I am somewhat like When Harry Met Sally where she’s ordering and describes that she wants it this way, or that way, but if she can’t have it either way, she’ll just not have it at all. I want what I want and really would rather not have a substitute for what I want. Maybe what I want (the Styrofoam cup) is cheap and cheesy, but that’s what I want.

Overall though, I don’t care about the random things that are shared or broken along the way. It is only when we are tired that these little annoying things begin to grate on our nerves. We looked at one of the kids today (who bears a striking personality resemblance to pigpen) and he had syrup all over him. Then I looked at another child, and she had green ink on her hands and face. Then I looked at the floor and there was torn up pieces of paper all over the ground. Life is messy in a range of ways. 

 “Each life is made up of mistakes and learning, waiting and growing, 

practicing patience and being persistent” Billy Graham

We have had plenty of time to practice patience over the past two months and over nine thousand miles. It has been an amazing journey, but we are ready to be back in Oregon and we are very ready to be back at our home in Haiti. We long to get back in a normal routine. We feel so incredibly blessed that the Lord has chosen us for this life and so grateful for all the people that continue to pray for us and support us along the way. Thank you!!