A New Season in Life……

It’s been an amazing summer! We praise the Lord for his provisions throughout this journey, but we are certainly ready to return to Haiti. We entered into a new season in life last year and are excited about what the Lord has in store for the years ahead. It has not always (or even often) been easy, but we have learned a lot and pray that we take what we have learned and use that knowledge to the glory of God.

Of course learning has it's share of challenges. Often we have seen in life that various events happen and we may wonder what exactly we were supposed to learn from those experiences. Many times it is years later that it finally dawns on us what God was trying to show us through the experience.

The first year, we were pretty much just getting our feet wet. Some of the puddles we stepped in seemed to be much bigger then others! I can’t even begin to explain the eye opening moments on the field that hit us unaware. Ministry is tough, but God is good! Working within ministry is difficult on so many levels, but generally in the areas you would never think would be difficult. On the other hand, we also know that some of the most rewarding things in life come through trials and struggles. If we had it in our minds to take the easy path, we never would have opened our doors to so many children from hard places.

Just beginning to experience what it's like to be a full-time missionary has been interesting to say the least. The scrutiny of this new life is something we hadn't thought much about in advance.  We continually pray about what our response should be. We have lived so many years in a life that most people did not understand. We have been accustomed to being under scrutiny and with that often judgment. This part is nothing new to us. The challenge has come with the effect of that scrutiny for our family on the mission field. What people think and feel about us is drastically different when we are relying on prayer and financial support from others.

Over the years, there were opinions about being a working (outside the home) homeschooling parent. This was not often favorable, but whether people liked what we did or not did not really effect our day to day life. Although we had help in the home and basically an in-home teacher, it was often viewed as less then because after all, the mother should be homeschooling the children. Traveling frequently within the homeschool community was sometimes frowned upon as well. Statements would be made by other mothers that “Well, I would just never do that to my kids” (referring to going out of the country while you have kids at home). I think many individuals did not really consider the process the Lord brought us through and how we ended up with so many children in the first place. Most of them were from third world countries. We were very aware of what was left behind in their homeland and felt truly called to more then the specific children in our home. But it was out of the norm for the homeschool community and our life was just plain out of the norm for US society as a whole. 

When we began on this journey of full time ministry service, we were often confronted with a similar thought process. “But….you already have your mission field in the home. Why would you do more?” There was a lack of belief that God could and would call us to more. To me though, it was a no-brainer. Of course he would call us to more. There are more of us to serve, so why wouldn’t we be called to do more? Sometimes we were confronted with this thought process and other times we would hear second hand that this person or that person thinks you have no business taking all those kids to Haiti. Didn't you in fact "save" them from that country? Why would you take them back there?

Why can't it be as simple as that God called us to bring them (and all of us) back there? And by the way, we did not "save" them from their country by moving them to the great USA. The Lord is our only savior and he's a savior of souls. All we did was provide food, clothing, shelter, and hopefully some love. 

We began to see the limitations that the world and sadly the people within the church body can place on God’s calling. Four years ago we took a road trip similar to the one we took this summer and visited numerous mission organizations. Most of those organizations had family size restrictions, age restrictions, and a range of other qualifications that we simply did not meet. We had too many children, not enough money, and were too old (hard to believe because we are only in our 40’s). I understand why these guidelines were put in place by many ministries, but I also felt like these guidelines were placing God in a box. What God is capable of often does not make sense or fit in any one box.

These were reasonable logistical concerns, but our God is a God beyond reason. It doesn’t mean we should not use the brain that the Lord blessed us with, but we cannot let worldly limitations hinder what God has in store for our lives. So many times the things we have seen the Lord do simply has not made sense in the world. It doesn’t make logical sense that our first adoption would cost more then our annual income, yet miraculously (without coming into any significant windfall and without receiving any large donations) we were able to complete the adoption without going into debt.

Most of us know the story of five thousand men being fed by five loaves and two fishes, but we often look at that as a “story” that happened in Biblical times. Do we truly believe that God can and does multiple far beyond our comprehension even in today’s times? Part of the challenge is that we’re not good at waiting on the Lord and we’re certainly not good at being told no.

We may lack faith at times because God hasn’t always provided in our timing or because He has said no and brought us down a different path. We're too busy being upset that God changed our path to fully appreciate the glory in the road he has us on. God’s timing is often drastically different then our own, but when we wait on the Lord AND are willing to follow the Lord in a new and sometimes scary direction, we realize that God’s plan is so much better then our own and definetely worth the wait!

Since we have been on the mission field, we have learned that our priorities need to be in order. We must place God first, then our family, and then the ministry. This did not happen in the first three months on the field and we paid the price for that dearly. We simply were in survival mode. It has been a difficult balance to keep our priorities in line. We know we will often be pulled in multiple directions, but are thankful that God is greater then these details.

There has been difficulties in a range of ways, but most of these difficulties have little to do with the logistics of living on the mission field or creature comforts. Yes, it is not always easy to live with limited electricity or running water, but that aspect is minor in the grand scheme of things. Feeling isolated has been more of a challenge. We are not accustomed to being “stuck” in a secure/lock down environment. For safety reasons, it is not often a great idea to be out and about at night. There’s really not many places to go at night anyway though.

Still, we had been used to just popping in the car and running up to get this or that. I remember a similar adjustment many years ago when we moved out to the mini farm. We had to plan going to the grocery store due to the time that it would take to get there and back. We had to get used to not going into town more then a couple of times a week. We also had to get used to people not really visiting us because they thought we lived so far away.

In Haiti, it’s somewhat the same. We plan our trips to town and we don’t expect people to come and visit us. This we will get used to, but there has been a transition time of missing our friends and missing the freedom of having so many things at our fingertips.

Coming back to the states every three years seems like a good option. It can seem like a long time to not see friends or family, but then I think about my mother and my grandparents and I think three years is pretty fortunate. If God provides that, we will be thankful! I asked my mom how often they came home on furlough from China and she said every seven years. They had to take literally a slow boat from China traveling many months to return to the states. It wasn’t so simple as hopping a few planes and arriving the next day.

Knowing what my mother and grandparents experienced makes me feel like a big whiner at times! We really don't have it so tough in comparison. These are also things we pray about continually. How much do we disclose to people and how much do we explain? Do we need to emphasize the fact that we do not live in a hut in Haiti? Some people assume that we must live in a house with a dirt floor and if we don't, we're not really missionaries. I'm an introvert by nature and a mental health professional that has been trained to keep her mouth shut. This makes explaining some of these details complicated. Therapists spend more time listening then talking, but now I am in a position to decide how much to tell people.

Originally I basically thought that if it didn't affect my family or the work that I'm doing on the field, I did not really need to tell the general population why I was doing what I was doing. Yes, I understand and believe in being held accountable for our actions, but it's different to be accountable for proper behavior and telling details of your life and activity because otherwise people will fill in the blanks themselves and assume something entirely different then what you intended. For example, apparently someone with some resources considered donating some money to our family, but the person changed their mind after a conversation about where I was and when I was coming back. Apparently the limited answers did not meet their expectation.

I have my hand in a million things. I know people have a hard time understanding that, but that is really how I function best. My husband thankfully supports my involvement in a range of ministries, but does not keep track of all the details. This is normal for our family, but is outside of normal for ministry. For one, women are often on the sidelines in ministry instead of being a key player. For another, most missionaries have a pretty narrow focus. They do babies or homeless or pregnant women or some other specific thing. Us on the other hand, we do a range of things.

This is one of the things that is difficult to explain. There are reasons why we do a range of things and there are specific ways that the Lord has tied it all together, but when we do not explain the details, people tend to believe that we can't possibly be effective if our vision is broad or our ministry is so diverse. Again, we see things in a worldly way and see 5 loaves and 2 fishes with 5K people. It doesn't make sense to people.

The person apparently did not like that my husband didn't know exactly where I was at and exactly when I was coming back. Granted, he could have looked up those details in our google calendar and told the guy where I was and when I was coming back, but we never had the chance to explain at all. For me, I tend to think that it doesn't matter that much. People give based on all kinds of things. It's their money and they can do what they want with it. We have been confronted by the belief system that we need to learn to care about how people interpret each and everything that we do and say or we will not have the funding that we need to remain on the field. hmm...I don't agree with that. I believe we should care about people in general. I believe in transparency. And I believe we are accountable for our actions, but I cannot take responsibility for things that people assume without asking.

Please.....if you have a question, just ask us. I don't post everything on our blog or on Facebook not because I'm trying to hide the fact that I travel or do a range of other things. In fact, I would love to share about the various conferences I travel to and the reason I go to the orphan summit or the caribbean psychological association or trauma training. I would love to talk about how I received a scholarship to attend and how another ministry gave me air miles and another person offered me a car and a place to stay (time and time again). I simply am busy though and don't always share these kinds of details due to time restrictions. If I were posting each and every thought that popped into my head, I wouldn't have time to actually do what we've been called to do.

I will say though that we are not using funds that people donate for our family and then traveling to a conference or a training. I'm not jetting off to lay on the beach somewhere. Amazing people and ministries have provided the funding for me to travel to these events and we praise the Lord for the opportunity to learn and serve in so many ways. It has been said to us or about us, why would we give money to help the Sheppard's when Linda is traveling all over the place or when they have an RV or took their kids to Disneyland? Do I really need to explain how we came to have an RV or how people came together and pitched in for Disneyland?

These kinds of challenges have been enlightening. I've worked in non-profit for many years (when I say worked I mean served long hours for free), but I guess I never cared all that much about funding. I still don't. Maybe that's part of the problem. Please join us in prayer in knowing how to respond to some of these concerns. I believe strongly that we need to have our house in order and we also need to share details to our supporters, but help us to find the balance between sharing details and catering to the judgment of others.