When Danger Enters the Home....

I think there are very few people that raise their hands and say, "I would like to adopt a child that brings danger into our home." Nonetheless, many of us parents end up in that exact scenario. It continues to baffle us how we ended up here and we may spend a significant amount of time wondering how in the world are we going to get out??

When we first thought of adopting, we may have even listed on the forms that there were certain scenarios or characteristics that we didn't feel qualified to tackle. BUT....we still end up in the "hazardous area zone" where only authorized personnel are supposed to go. We are not authorized personnel. We do not have the training for these tough kids and we end up in survival mode simply trying to keep everyone safe in the home. The problem is, our survival kit isn't quite cutting it. It's missing key ingredients to help us not only survive, but thrive.


One of the problems is that for many of our kids, there are significant gaps in what we know about their history. It may not have been disclosed that our child was sexually abused, physically abused, neglected, or that the parent took drugs during the pregnancy. Possibly the information says that none of these things happened to the child. Those involved in the process may simply not have the details in order to better prepare us.

When we consider or even entertain the idea of an "ideal" adoption scenario, we may hold onto the hope that our child will do exceedingly well. After all, they are one of the lucky ones. Possibly we need to open our eyes a little wider and see beyond the surface. There could be elements that we are not seeing that may explode at a later date. I want to say something about this thought process and make the bold statement that there is no such thing as an "ideal" or fortunate adoption situation. ALL adoption placements are formed through loss and more likely then not, your child also suffered from a range of circumstances that contribute to difficulty regulating emotions.


Over the years, we have gone through a range of challenges. Originally, I was very hesitant to share some of these trials and struggles. We did not always have the support from friends and family in the first place. Many people had warned us about adopting so many children and we were certainly warned about venturing into the world of older child adoption. I will say though that some of our children that have done very well were adopted at an older age and some that struggled more were adopted as babies. Many risk factors happen before the child is even born. BUT....I will agree that it is more likely that your child will also come with significant baggage when they join the family at an older age.

As we have moved along in the process of growing our family through adoption, the Lord has gradually opened my eyes to the "why" of some of the struggles we have gone through. Some of those struggles have been heart wrenching and almost destroyed our family. I'm beginning to see the importance in sharing some of these details in order to help others that are in the trenches of this difficult journey.

Here's a link to a couple audio clips from a conference I was at. They share one particular difficult adoption in our family. Please listen with an open heart if you have the time. It's not necessarily for the faint of heart! They are divided into two 20 minute clips. For those that do not have time to listen (which is completely understandable), please share with others that may have brought in some dangerous situations into their homes and could be on the verge of dissolving their adoption. Maybe it will give hope to some that are struggling!

https://soundcloud.com/linda-sheppard-3/disruptiondiscussion
https://soundcloud.com/linda-sheppard-3/disruptions2