Donut Day

Today is a donut day. Actually, any day for me is a donut day. I try to limit my donut consumption to about one donut a week, but I would "like" to have a donut everyday for breakfast. Somehow that desire does not fall in line with my weight watchers plan. Like many people, I have struggled off and on with my weight over the years. After giving birth to our youngest daughter who joined our family through the miracle of embryo adoption, I really began to struggle with my weight. My blood pressure was all out of whack and I will admit that I am a bit of a stress eater. Naomi spent two months in the NICU after being born close to 3 months early and then subsequently had heart surgery. During that time, there were a series of unfortunate events (medical issues) that contributed to me stuffing my face with unhealthy food choices. Although I kept running and competing in marathons, I kept gaining weight. Being on different medications due to acquiring HELLP syndrome during my "advanced age" pregnancy also did not help.

Then came a wake up call when I realized I could barely huff my way up the Mountain in Haiti. I decided that I needed to get serious about losing weight. I joined weight watchers and eventually lost 43 pounds and hit my goal weight. Yeah!! BUT....it has been a long haul and continues to be a challenge. I currently fluctuate 5-10 pounds over my "goal" weight and it seems to be a continual challenge to stay in a healthy range.

Today is my 41st birthday, so it seemed like a good excuse to get a donut. I stopped at the library and spoiled myself with a donut. I was reminded of another donut day at the library not too long ago. I conveniently offer on my way home from work to stop and pick up books on hold for the kids at the library because there is a donut shop inside the library. There is one particular donut that I absolutely LOVE. With weight watchers, basically I learned to not just shove my mouth full of junk, but to stop and think and then "decide" to eat only what I really like. So, generally speaking, I won't just eat any donut. If I am going to drop 8 points on something (with only 26 a day),  I want it to be worth it.

That day when I arrived at the library, I noticed that there was only one of the chocolate frosting filled donuts that I like. There were a few people in line ahead of me and I was honestly standing there praying that none of those people would order MY donut. Then I saw two lively little boys in line in front of me. They were floating back and forth to the display case. One of the little boys was pointing out to his father which donut he wanted and it was MY donut. ugh....I stood there and tried to shrug it off. I told myself it was ok. I'll just get a different donut for one of the older kids that had done something nice for me and I'll come back another day for the donut that I like.

But, the kids kept floating back and forth between the line and the case. They were really not staying in line. In fact, someone walked up even behind me and went up and ordered because she wasn't quite sure there was a line. That is when my "Mr Bean" moment came out. I'm ashamed to say that I took advantage of the situation.

The lady at the counter finished with the customer and I stepped forward and ordered "the donut".  The young boy immediately started to complain to his father that the donut he wanted was gone. I simply pretended to not know that he actually wanted that specific donut. I even actually said, "Oh, did you want that donut" (pretending I did not know) and the father proceeded to say that he could get a different one.

I felt about an inch tall. I had the reward, but I had lost character in the process. I went out to the car and sat there to eat my donut. I saw the dad walking out with the boys who had selected different donuts. Although they seemed happy enough, I actually slunk down in my seat. I call it a Mr Bean moment because although Mr Bean is funny,  he is basically self centered and rude. In the end, I was willing to take down a child for a donut. That is a very sad fact. Yes, I can justify that the kids learned something that day, but hopefully I also learned something as well.

I know that I need to be very careful and not allow my self-centered nature to rule my life. Especially when donuts are involved!