Confusing Things....

There are many confusing things about our life in Haiti and about life in general...

There really seems to be no "middle class" in Haiti. I suppose missionaries may equate to a small percentage of people that may technically be "middle class" in Haiti, but they (we) are also in a drastically different position then the masses who live on less then $2 a day. Most missionaries live on a tight budget (as we do as well), but most also actually live in a home vs. living in a shack with a dirt floor or on the streets. It is confusing to me how one person is born into privilege and another person is born into completely different circumstances. In America, for the most part, many of us are in that category of born into privilege even if we have credit issues, do not own a home, have a hard time maintaining employment, or a range of other challenges that we may face. For the most part, we have access to a range of services (not always adequate services), but something nonetheless. That's not to say there isn't poverty in the USA. It's simply a different kind of poverty that often damages the mind.

I was not raised in a Christian home although I come from a long line of Christians and even missionaries. I remember hearing my mom talk about her time growing up on the mission field and it was always confusing to me. I did not understand her anger towards the Lord and her resentment of her life on the mission field. I did not understand the trauma she faced. I had absolutely no idea or comprehension of what it was like to grow up in World War II China smack dab in the middle of the Japanese invasion. I had no understanding of the civil unrest/war that was going on around her. I was never held at gunpoint as a child. I was never "captured" during unrest. I did not suffer the loss of my mother or brother on the mission field. As a child, it seemed like the telling of an action packed movie to hear about the planes coming down all around her and listening for bombing and actually counting in between to judge how much time you had to flee. I had absolutely no concept of war other then what I had seen on TV or in movies.

I didn't understand "house servants" and how or why missionary families would hire house servants. My mom would explain to me that her parents had mission work to do evangelizing throughout the land. The people in the community needed jobs therefore they had various people that worked for them. Somehow it seemed degrading or wrong that a person would go into another country and have servants. I had no concept of the logistics of the generation (1930-1950).

It did not make sense to me to need help in the home. After all, her parents only had two kids. I also was raised with one sibling and two working parents. We managed just fine without servants.  I suppose it was the term "servants" that turned me off. Maybe if she had called them employees it would have been different. It never dawned on me that I was born into an environment of running water, electricity, and many other modern conveniences that really replaced help in the home to a great extent. I did not understand the amount of time it took to simply get water, food, and keep a home functioning without electricity, running water, refrigeration,  preservatives to make food last longer, washing machines, dryers, wash and wear clothing, iron free types of materials, etc. Just the basic living necessities can be an everyday (all day) task. We have "some" of the same challenges here in Haiti. We do not have "servants", but we have help in the home. We have an amazing lady LiAnn who has quickly become a part of our family. She goes to the market for us twice a week and helps us cook some of the meals throughout the week. Without her, we would not be able to serve others in the community the way we are able to.

I have also never understood how it can "appear" like missionaries live so far above the general population and how they can really be of service in that capacity. Sometimes I would travel to other countries and visit missionaries.  It would "appear" like many of the missionaries lived actually better in a third world country then we ourselves lived in the USA. This is still a struggle for me and it is something I am confronted with on a continual basis. There really is no middle class in many other countries. When you go and seek out a place to live it seems there are either these big huge houses (that are mostly a facade - a shell of a home that looks like a mansion) or the opposite end of the spectrum which is a shack with a dirt floor. I see the patients coming into the clinic that are sleeping on a dirt floor and cockroaches have crawled into their ear and wrapped around their eardrum to where we cannot remove them. I've seen the patients that come in with illness, disease, and a range of conditions directly associated with poor/inadequate living conditions. I know that we would not be as effective in serving if we lived in the conditions that the bulk of the population lives in. We would likely be sick all the time and would need to be patients ourselves in a clinic that would not exist without others that live in a more stable situation operating those clinics. On the other hand, I wonder, what kind of example does it set to live the way that we do?

Yes, for us Americans it is a bit of a sacrifice to not have consistent electricity, running water, to hand wash all our clothes, to not be able to access conveniences, etc. But...in comparison to the population here in Haiti, we certainly get by just fine. We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. We are hardly "roughing it" and there are times when I feel bad about that or I suppose I simply feel bad about the contrast.

There are many things in life that I do not understand, but I am confident that God has a plan greater then our own. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in despair and feeling helpless not only with our lot in life, but in seeing other people suffer and struggle in life. I realize that God may just give us one brick and ask us to carry that one brick instead of building the whole wall, but sometimes it is hard to see the walls that are not built and the work that is not done.

We are assisting in the village of Gramothe by providing medical care, education, spiritual care and evangelism of a community. There is suffering around us and that is hard to see. I continually want to do more. I want bring all the orphan children in and do more and more and more. After all, we do have this big house, but I have to remember that God is in control and has called us to this one small piece. We have seen God provide abundantly. We have been called to parent 14 children from all over the world. It has never made any logical sense. We have never had the resources to do so, but God has shown us time and time again that it does not have to make sense. We simply have to follow.  Please join us in prayer that all of us will continue to take the narrow road, which is the one and only road. It will not always make sense and some things may be confusing along the way, but we can be confident that if we are following the Lord, we are going in the right direction!