Cold, Wet, and Amazing!

Can you believe that it can actually be cold, wet, and dreary in Haiti? It makes us feel right at home! Last week, the kids and I went up to Belot and brought the tarps we had purchased to cover the school.

Ron was sick that day, so he missed the fun! The small village school had suffered a storm which destroyed the temporary cover they had. This brought the rain into the classroom, which proceeded to damage the chalkboards. Plus, they were unable to have school on days that it rained since the school was then open to the elements.

We've been actively trying to gather funds to help this village school of 65 kids.  To simply have some cover over their heads, so they can have school will be a huge blessing!


We "thought" we would help put the tarps up, but we mostly helped gather the bamboo. I never knew bamboo was so heavy! I'm sure it was a sight to see~ the blancs (white people) trying to carry these huge stocks of bamboo up hill in the claylike mud.

It started out ok, but then halfway up the hill, the bamboo got heavier and heavier. Actually, it wasn't so much that they were heavy. It was the fact that they were long and awkward to carry.

We made one trip (about 8 pieces) out of the 25 stocks we needed to carry up the hill. After that one trip (which took a couple of hours), Pastor Reginald said that some people in the village would help get the rest of the bamboo up the hill and we could begin again another day.

But....we may be useless, but at least people in the village see that we're willing to work alongside of them. Or....that's what we tell ourselves!


Joan and I were feeling as old as dirt by the end of the day. Our neck hurt from having the bamboo resting on our shoulders. Even the kids were sore!

Ron went up yesterday with the kids to help frame the roof for the tarps. 

Bamboo to make the Frame

It was an all day event. We had enough tarps to cover the school, but we 

still need funds to purchase tarps to cover the church area. This is the only 

Evangelical church in the village. 

 The kids kept talking about how much it reminds them of Oregon. And Naomi continually talks about driving "up into the clouds". It is really quite amazing! Apparently it is the second highest mountain in Haiti at 6000 foot elevation. 

Frame for the tarp covering the school

  I think we have found our calling here in Haiti up in the mountains in the mud and the rain. 

                                   To us, this is the norm. We were born with webbed feet in Oregon! 

Ron and Pastor Reginald

We praise God for His provisions and we continue to pray 

blessings upon Pastor Reginald and the community of Belot! 

December Mission Team in the Village of Belot, Haiti

Please pray for the village of Belot and spread the word for an upcoming mission trip this December (9th-16th). Total cost is only $450 plus airfare (currently running $675 from Portland, which will vary from departure city). The team will stay at our house here in Thomassin (just south of Port au Prince). We will use as much of the funding as possible for the village/community.

There are 65 students enrolled in the school currently. They hope to accept 100 students by December. There is a ministry making Jesus story dolls for each student. It is hoped that thee team can transport those dolls into the country. There is also a church member making school bags for the children.

This will be a trip to enhance the spiritual well being of the community, pray with the students, assist with the school, and help the pastor in any way possible. We will provide a list of supplies that each team member should gather.

We are raising funds to build school desks and chalkboards. We are also seeking a larger grant to finish building the school. There are just partial walls up right now with no roof. The school and church currently meet under a tarp, but the tarp has ripped and blown off in a storm. The most urgent need currently is to get them some new tarps for cover since the rain is preventing them from attending school on some days.

Here's a video of Belot explaining the fundraiser for the village students: https://www.youcaring.com/nonprofits/help-haiti-students/249985

Please prayerfully consider helping this rural village and joining the mission team! Please send an email to linda@aafcs.net for an application with further details or call 503-648-5260.

When Danger Enters the Home....

I think there are very few people that raise their hands and say, "I would like to adopt a child that brings danger into our home." Nonetheless, many of us parents end up in that exact scenario. It continues to baffle us how we ended up here and we may spend a significant amount of time wondering how in the world are we going to get out??

When we first thought of adopting, we may have even listed on the forms that there were certain scenarios or characteristics that we didn't feel qualified to tackle. BUT....we still end up in the "hazardous area zone" where only authorized personnel are supposed to go. We are not authorized personnel. We do not have the training for these tough kids and we end up in survival mode simply trying to keep everyone safe in the home. The problem is, our survival kit isn't quite cutting it. It's missing key ingredients to help us not only survive, but thrive.


One of the problems is that for many of our kids, there are significant gaps in what we know about their history. It may not have been disclosed that our child was sexually abused, physically abused, neglected, or that the parent took drugs during the pregnancy. Possibly the information says that none of these things happened to the child. Those involved in the process may simply not have the details in order to better prepare us.

When we consider or even entertain the idea of an "ideal" adoption scenario, we may hold onto the hope that our child will do exceedingly well. After all, they are one of the lucky ones. Possibly we need to open our eyes a little wider and see beyond the surface. There could be elements that we are not seeing that may explode at a later date. I want to say something about this thought process and make the bold statement that there is no such thing as an "ideal" or fortunate adoption situation. ALL adoption placements are formed through loss and more likely then not, your child also suffered from a range of circumstances that contribute to difficulty regulating emotions.


Over the years, we have gone through a range of challenges. Originally, I was very hesitant to share some of these trials and struggles. We did not always have the support from friends and family in the first place. Many people had warned us about adopting so many children and we were certainly warned about venturing into the world of older child adoption. I will say though that some of our children that have done very well were adopted at an older age and some that struggled more were adopted as babies. Many risk factors happen before the child is even born. BUT....I will agree that it is more likely that your child will also come with significant baggage when they join the family at an older age.

As we have moved along in the process of growing our family through adoption, the Lord has gradually opened my eyes to the "why" of some of the struggles we have gone through. Some of those struggles have been heart wrenching and almost destroyed our family. I'm beginning to see the importance in sharing some of these details in order to help others that are in the trenches of this difficult journey.

Here's a link to a couple audio clips from a conference I was at. They share one particular difficult adoption in our family. Please listen with an open heart if you have the time. It's not necessarily for the faint of heart! They are divided into two 20 minute clips. For those that do not have time to listen (which is completely understandable), please share with others that may have brought in some dangerous situations into their homes and could be on the verge of dissolving their adoption. Maybe it will give hope to some that are struggling!

https://soundcloud.com/linda-sheppard-3/disruptiondiscussion
https://soundcloud.com/linda-sheppard-3/disruptions2

Crazy Making Behaviors....

How many of us have kids that display some pretty crazy behaviors? I think we can all identify with Bill Cosby in his explanation of brain damage in children and what this phenomenon does to parents. We may feel like we were somewhat educated in the whole process of parenting and possibly educated in the details of adoption AND THEN our child comes home and that education doesn't quite play out the way we had expected.

Something is amiss with our kids and we may even feel like bashing our head against the wall in frustration! The brain damage begins to seep into our thought process and we begin to display crazy making behaviors ourselves. We once were relatively "normal" and now we have two heads that spin around in opposite directions. We no longer are quite sure which is left and which is right. Even up and down becomes confusing to us and we are simply trying to adapt to this new view of the world.

Being a parent is hard enough, but then we enter into the realm of parenting kids from "hard places" and whew......it's not for the faint of heart! We've landed on a different playing field altogether. Nothing is "normal" anymore. We may spend weeks, months, and even years trying to get back to normal. This is where much of the frustration comes from.  As an adoption & attachment specialist, I get asked this question all the time, "How long until our life will be back to normal?" Let me say something here, and I know it is not a popular statement: Your life will NEVER get back to normal. In fact, that normal probably only existed in our mind anyway.

BUT....we thought we had a relatively normal life and we gradually begin to develop a new normal for our life. We do this by embarking on the long process of grieving the "idea" of what we thought our life (and possibly our adoption) would look like. We hopefully learn to embrace the unique or "abnormal" aspects of our lives. Once we truly let go of the desire to go back, we are able to move forward and see the Lord's blessing throughout the process.

Granted, there are some adoption situations where the kids come into the home, adjust very well, and things seem to be fine. I have some thoughts on these cases, but I'll save that for another day. I will say though, it doesn't matter if we've adopted a child at one day old or 15 years old, our kids with a history of loss see the world through a different lens. Their life began with loss.

We must be aware of this loss even if our child appears to not be affected by this fact. Maybe they do not even remember their birth family, but that in itself is an additional loss that hurts the child deeply. Keep in mind that adoption is only formed through loss. Even though there are many blessings that come through this process, this early loss affects the way the child views the world. It also should frame the way we parent the child.

Then there are other things that effect the way our kids view the world~ even outside of loss through adoption. Maybe we gave birth to our child, but they have risk factors such as prenatal stressors (anxious pregnancy, prenatal exposure), early hospitalization (preemies, chronic ear infections, allergic reactions), or a traumatic birth that has shaped their brain development. They in turn have an altered sense of interaction with the world. This is why some parents will come to me about one of their children (that are adopted) and begin to see that their biological child has some of the same characteristics displaying in different ways.

So, we have an already stressful scenario (parenting children in general) and then we basically toss battery acid on that "normal" scenario and expect our child to play nice. In our mind, we're not really asking that much. We simply want the child to care about themselves and care about other people. Is that so much to ask? But instead, we may end up with a child that puts themselves first and will provide for themselves even to the detriment of other people. Basically, I want this toy NOW and I will step on or harm whoever I need to in the pursuit of reaching that goal. 

There may be many well meaning individuals that try to relate. They laughed at Bill Cosby's description of crazy making behaviors in children. They experienced frustrating things themselves with their own kids. The degree though of challenges is entirely different. Your child may throw a fit when they don't get what they want, but they may have a baseline of actually caring about people. Our kids from hard places, may not have that baseline at all. When we take a child that has never learned to give and receive affection, you basically end up with narcism and sociopathic behavior. This is different than a child that simply wants their way. Of course we become frustrated and struggle with responding to our children in appropriate ways.

The good thing is that people can change AND we can learn to respond to our children in healthy ways. It's not an easy journey. I have a TON of training in this field and I will say that nothing really prepares you for living this life. One of the toughest things to prepare parents for is how it will feel to parent a child that joins their family through adoption, a child with a traumatic past, or a child with a range of special needs. In some circumstances, parenting a child through adoption is very much like parenting a child on the autism spectrum or a child with various disabilities. The difference is that our mindset does not change as easily when the child is simply adopted. We do not look at the scenario as though there is a disability present. With a child diagnosed with a known disability, it is at least somewhat expected that the child will interact differently then their peers. They are not expected to be age appropriate socially like a child through adoption is expected. They are not expected necessarily to give and receive affection like we expect with a child through adoption. And they are not expected to be thankful like we often expect with children through adoption. Changing our mindset is essential in this process, but it is certainly not an easy thing to do.

I still find myself wanting to say to my child, "You're ten years old. What are you doing? Pleeeezee......act like a 10 year old, not a 3 year old. You're driving mommy crazy!" I KNOW better than this, but it still pops into my mind. I understand logically that our kids can display as very intelligent (and they are very intelligent), but their social and emotional maturity is often severely limited. My mind still wants their development to be at an age appropriate level. The child may have the street smarts of a 22 year old, the body of a 15 year old, the academics of a 7 year old, and the social skills of a 3-4 year old. They may chronologically be 10 years old (or possibly we do not even know how old they are). No wonder our child is so baffling to us and we are often at a loss in how to respond. 

There is hope though! We have to start by taking care of ourselves. As Christians, I think this can be especially challenging. We tend to give and give and then give some more. Although giving is a good thing, we need time to re-charge our batteries or we'll no longer be able to give anymore at all. We will begin to see things more clearly when we slow down and focus inward instead of outward.