How Dancing for Donors Reduces Self Care and Increases Burnout on the Field

This is such a tough balance here on the mission field. I try to help many missionaries, but most of them express the continual challenge of balancing self care and dancing for donors expectations. What elements of our life do we have to hide for fear of judgment with donors? Should we feel guilty for spending $20 on ourselves? I know this seems to be a semi-hidden topic, but it is certainly one that many individuals are conflicted about. And I have to admit that I am a part of that conflicted group of concerned individuals. We need money, but should we "hide" fun and only post pictures of starving babies and all the tough stuff we do on the field?

Me and Roseminique at the Beach in Haiti

I STRONGLY encourage everyone to evaluate their daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual burn-out prevention plan. What are we doing each day outside of ministry? What are we doing each week (date night/day), each month (taking the kids to the beach maybe), each quarter (getting out of the area where we serve and are swarmed by requests for something every moment), each year (maybe visiting a location across the country to see something different). What happens though when we post a picture on facebook of us sitting on the beach sipping a fruity adult beverage? God forbid I would be wearing a bikini. Yikes! 

Often we essentially receive the thoughts- Oh wait- I thought you were missionaries, but you are just sitting around lounging having a good time. We get comments such as, "I wish I was you"....."You sure are living the hard life...lol"......and sure is a "Good thing we did that campaign to fund your social time"....and on and on.

This past month, we started a Friday night gathering with Happy Hour. One of the reasons we did this was to help prevent burnout on the field. I see so many missionaries that really have become "closet" addicts in many ways. They are not allowed to drink or fraternize or relax or unwind. But I will tell you truthfully, many come to me with a bottle of rhum under their car seat or porn addictions or other unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to survive on the field.

I also got a little bit of kick back from doing the Friday night gatherings or possibly from posting "those" events on my facebook page. And then also I had people say to me they would really like to come, but other people cannot know that they drink. Basically we are pushing people to hide in a hole to escape for fear of judgment by donors or fellow missionaries. Now, I'm certainly not an advocate that everyone should drink and I have no issue with personal opinion or theology with abstaining from alcohol. I did in fact go to a Baptist college and honestly drinking has not been much a part of my life historically.

Poker on Sunday Nights

The concern that I have is that people are hitting their limits and then RUNNING to a NEED for some sort of fix instead of planning a healthy relaxing evening on a consistent basis. We have poker night every Sunday here at our house (as well as CrossFit). Some play poker and some of the rest of us sit around and eat. Some will have a prestige or a drink once in a while, but certainly not all and not every time. We don't play for money, it's just a relaxing time with no specific agenda. It is separate from us being "on" all the time with community and with outside opinions on how we should or shouldn't be doing things on the field.

Actually, some of the time we end up having theological discussions during poker, but the key is that there is no specific agenda and it is not for a specific mission organization. There's so much territorial separation on the field that it's sad. Much of this has to do with fighting and battling over funding. Satan will attack us within and we must be aware of the elements that are geared to separate us from one another to reduce the work of the Lord.

I really don't know the answer to any of this, but I would appeal to those off the field to be gentle with us at times. If you see us having fun, consider giving us a thumbs up now and then for self care. We can be plagued with guilt over all we should be doing and some of the comments hurt us deeply. Yes, we need to be held accountable for actually serving on the field and not just living it up having a good time, but really....very few are "living it up" on the field.

Prior to moving on the field, I honestly struggled myself with judgment in this aspect. I would see some missionaries and I thought "gosh...how come they appear to be living better in a third world country then we live in the USA?"  Now I realize that looks can be deceiving. We may have this huge shell of a home because there is no "middle" in this country of haves and have-not's, but much of this is a facade. We have a home with cold water and off and on electricity (when we're fortunate) and of course cockroaches, rats, tarantulas and millions of tiny ants that come and swarm when we smash a cockroach on the floor. We have an AMAZING view, but seeing that view day in and day out through bars on all the windows and gates to keep us safe changes us. It wears on our hearts and on our spirits.

So, if you see those you support relaxing, please encourage them to stick to a regular schedule of self care and not hide their "fun" from the outside world entirely. Help them (and us) to embrace the fun and relaxing times. Help us to care for ourselves so that in turn we will be more equipped to care for others. And always...always...always...continue to pray for us when you are able to. We NEED you!! We really do.

We need your love, your support, your financial assistance, and your thoughts and prayers.

If you would like to donate, please consider even small amounts monthly. Having people committed on a monthly basis certainly reduces much of the stress on the field of wondering each and every month how the Lord is going to pull it together this time.

I have to be honest, I'm tired. I was on the roll. I jumped in head first with 14 one way tickets and absolutely no idea how we would live day in and day out, but confident that the Lord would make a way. God called and we showed up. Well...four years later and we're still here. God's calling is still strong and we have continued to show up. I'm realizing though now that sometimes showing up also means plopping my behind in the sand on the beach (hopefully) once a month to recharge.  After all, God called us to this amazing Caribbean island, but we were not really seeing much of any of it because we were a gerbil running in a wheel.

We still don't know every month how it all works out and how funding will happen. But we are blessed to say the Lord is good ALL the TIME. And we are thankful for YOU!

TO DONATE ONLINE either Monthly or One Time visit:

https://www.worldoutreach.org/index.php/missionary-support-2
(Select our Sheppard, Ron and Linda from the list and follow the prompts)

Or MAIL CHECKS TO:

World Outreach Ministries, Inc.
P.O. Box B
Marietta, GA 30061
(designate for Ron & Linda Sheppard #546)