How Dancing for Donors Reduces Self Care and Increases Burnout on the Field

This is such a tough balance here on the mission field. I try to help many missionaries, but most of them express the continual challenge of balancing self care and dancing for donors expectations. What elements of our life do we have to hide for fear of judgment with donors? Should we feel guilty for spending $20 on ourselves? I know this seems to be a semi-hidden topic, but it is certainly one that many individuals are conflicted about. And I have to admit that I am a part of that conflicted group of concerned individuals. We need money, but should we "hide" fun and only post pictures of starving babies and all the tough stuff we do on the field?

Me and Roseminique at the Beach in Haiti

I STRONGLY encourage everyone to evaluate their daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual burn-out prevention plan. What are we doing each day outside of ministry? What are we doing each week (date night/day), each month (taking the kids to the beach maybe), each quarter (getting out of the area where we serve and are swarmed by requests for something every moment), each year (maybe visiting a location across the country to see something different). What happens though when we post a picture on facebook of us sitting on the beach sipping a fruity adult beverage? God forbid I would be wearing a bikini. Yikes! 

Often we essentially receive the thoughts- Oh wait- I thought you were missionaries, but you are just sitting around lounging having a good time. We get comments such as, "I wish I was you"....."You sure are living the hard life...lol"......and sure is a "Good thing we did that campaign to fund your social time"....and on and on.

This past month, we started a Friday night gathering with Happy Hour. One of the reasons we did this was to help prevent burnout on the field. I see so many missionaries that really have become "closet" addicts in many ways. They are not allowed to drink or fraternize or relax or unwind. But I will tell you truthfully, many come to me with a bottle of rhum under their car seat or porn addictions or other unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to survive on the field.

I also got a little bit of kick back from doing the Friday night gatherings or possibly from posting "those" events on my facebook page. And then also I had people say to me they would really like to come, but other people cannot know that they drink. Basically we are pushing people to hide in a hole to escape for fear of judgment by donors or fellow missionaries. Now, I'm certainly not an advocate that everyone should drink and I have no issue with personal opinion or theology with abstaining from alcohol. I did in fact go to a Baptist college and honestly drinking has not been much a part of my life historically.

Poker on Sunday Nights

The concern that I have is that people are hitting their limits and then RUNNING to a NEED for some sort of fix instead of planning a healthy relaxing evening on a consistent basis. We have poker night every Sunday here at our house (as well as CrossFit). Some play poker and some of the rest of us sit around and eat. Some will have a prestige or a drink once in a while, but certainly not all and not every time. We don't play for money, it's just a relaxing time with no specific agenda. It is separate from us being "on" all the time with community and with outside opinions on how we should or shouldn't be doing things on the field.

Actually, some of the time we end up having theological discussions during poker, but the key is that there is no specific agenda and it is not for a specific mission organization. There's so much territorial separation on the field that it's sad. Much of this has to do with fighting and battling over funding. Satan will attack us within and we must be aware of the elements that are geared to separate us from one another to reduce the work of the Lord.

I really don't know the answer to any of this, but I would appeal to those off the field to be gentle with us at times. If you see us having fun, consider giving us a thumbs up now and then for self care. We can be plagued with guilt over all we should be doing and some of the comments hurt us deeply. Yes, we need to be held accountable for actually serving on the field and not just living it up having a good time, but really....very few are "living it up" on the field.

Prior to moving on the field, I honestly struggled myself with judgment in this aspect. I would see some missionaries and I thought "gosh...how come they appear to be living better in a third world country then we live in the USA?"  Now I realize that looks can be deceiving. We may have this huge shell of a home because there is no "middle" in this country of haves and have-not's, but much of this is a facade. We have a home with cold water and off and on electricity (when we're fortunate) and of course cockroaches, rats, tarantulas and millions of tiny ants that come and swarm when we smash a cockroach on the floor. We have an AMAZING view, but seeing that view day in and day out through bars on all the windows and gates to keep us safe changes us. It wears on our hearts and on our spirits.

So, if you see those you support relaxing, please encourage them to stick to a regular schedule of self care and not hide their "fun" from the outside world entirely. Help them (and us) to embrace the fun and relaxing times. Help us to care for ourselves so that in turn we will be more equipped to care for others. And always...always...always...continue to pray for us when you are able to. We NEED you!! We really do.

We need your love, your support, your financial assistance, and your thoughts and prayers.

If you would like to donate, please consider even small amounts monthly. Having people committed on a monthly basis certainly reduces much of the stress on the field of wondering each and every month how the Lord is going to pull it together this time.

I have to be honest, I'm tired. I was on the roll. I jumped in head first with 14 one way tickets and absolutely no idea how we would live day in and day out, but confident that the Lord would make a way. God called and we showed up. Well...four years later and we're still here. God's calling is still strong and we have continued to show up. I'm realizing though now that sometimes showing up also means plopping my behind in the sand on the beach (hopefully) once a month to recharge.  After all, God called us to this amazing Caribbean island, but we were not really seeing much of any of it because we were a gerbil running in a wheel.

We still don't know every month how it all works out and how funding will happen. But we are blessed to say the Lord is good ALL the TIME. And we are thankful for YOU!

TO DONATE ONLINE either Monthly or One Time visit:

https://www.worldoutreach.org/index.php/missionary-support-2
(Select our Sheppard, Ron and Linda from the list and follow the prompts)

Or MAIL CHECKS TO:

World Outreach Ministries, Inc.
P.O. Box B
Marietta, GA 30061
(designate for Ron & Linda Sheppard #546)
 

security reminder

As with most things in Haiti, security can often time be precarious.  In an effort to provide some much needed income, we have been doing some side work and projects.

I was recently at a building site on one of these projects.  I was walking through a 50 acre construction site with an Architecture student, reviewing the progress of the buildings.  As we were standing near the end of a building, we heard several gunshots coming from the entrance to the facility.  We were on a hillside about 150 yards away and could see the security guards firing into the air and running in our direction.  The student walked out past the end of the building to see who they were chasing up the hill, as he told me to have a seat and stay out of sight.  As he was looking around, he was telling me what was happening.  After a few moments, I saw them escorting a man in handcuffs back down to the gate.  A police pickup arrived and he was taken away.

looking towards the gate from my viewpoint

As a group of us sat there watching, the student was asking the construction workers who the man was and what had happened.  Apparently, he is a local "labor boss" (aka "mafia boss").  He had beaten the security guard at a ministry across the street to protest that he had been brought in from out of town (about 5 miles away).  As we were discussing this, a small group of young men outside the facility began attacking the ministry across the street in protest to their "boss" being arrested.

They broke down the fence and tried to break into a couple of shipping containers that probably had tools they could use to do more damage.  They were unable to get into the containers and things settled down within about 10 minutes.  In the middle of their attempt to get into the containers, we also noticed a dad enter the facility with a baseball bat looking for his 20-something year old son who was also making trouble.  As we watched the dad waving the bat and yelling for his son, we could see the son hiding in the Banana trees and running for the exit.  The son got out without being caught or seen by the dad, so I don't know how that played out later.

Although I never felt as though I was in any danger, this is a good reminder that security in Haiti is fragile at best.  Please pray for our safety as we continue to serve here in Haiti.  Thank you for prayerfully considering supporting us financially.  God Bless

Ron Sheppard

God Can Fix Stupid

As many of you know, I recently returned to Haiti after almost 7 weeks in Oregon.  Prior to our move to Haiti, I was working for Permapost in Hillsboro.  Since moving to Haiti, Permapost has been very generous in providing some part time work for me to do on my computer.  This has been a wonderful blessing for us.  So, when I heard that someone had left and they were looking for another employee, I felt the need to assist if I could.  I spoke with Linda and we prayed about what we could do.  I offered to return to Oregon to assist Permapost with their transition.  To my surprise, they accepted.  They purchased a ticket for me to fly to Oregon and also a ticket for Julia to fly to Haiti, as Linda would be traveling for part of the time I would be gone.  It was a wonderful trip.  I was able to visit many friends I have not seen in years, eat, visit some churches I have not been able to visit, eat, do some home repairs for the kids, eat, drive faster tan 25 MPH, eat, and many other things that are difficult to do in Haiti.  Although it was good, I had a difficult time being away from home for so long.

Preparing for the trip:
With only a few days before leaving on an extended trip, there was a lot of preparation work I needed to do.  I spoke with both of the pastors we work with and let them know I would be gone for a while, but that I could be reached on my Haitian cell phone (it only cost $15/month for my Digicel phone number to work in the US).  I needed to make sure we had propane for cooking, our cistern water was treated, we had plenty of beans, plenty of rice, plenty of flour, plenty of sugar, the oil was changed in the generator, the batteries that provide electricity for the house had water, the solar panels were cleaned off, and the cars were in good running condition.  With all of these things to check and only a few days, I was bound to miss something.


This never happens in Haiti:
I had an early morning departure from Port-Au-Prince heading to Miami, then to Dallas and arriving in Portland just before midnight (approximately 19 hours).  Linda and Naomi graciously got up very early to take me to the airport.  They dropped me off outside of the airport and I hauled my bags inside to check-in.  I walked up to the kiosk to check in and I placed my passport on the screen, and it said it could not find my ticket, so I searched by my name.  It asked me to scan my passport and then immediately told me this passport is expired. I thought to myself, "no way" but as I read the expiration date of Jan 2017, I thought "oh this is not good". I called Linda to turn around and come get me.  I had to stop twice on my way back out through the entrance to explain, through my embarrassment, why I was going out through the entrance.  Linda and Naomi returned to pick me up and we headed home to see what we could do to fix this.  As soon as we arrived home, I emailed Permapost that I would probably be a few days late arriving and then I began looking for the documents I knew would be required to renew my passport.  Linda was checking the US Embassy website for other details.  She noticed that if you have an expired passport and a flight within 48 hours, you can get a temporary passport.  I found the documents that I thought were needed, as well as a set of photos that I could use.  Linda began filling out the forms online and I printed those and headed to the embassy.  For those of you who have never tried to go to the US Embassy in Haiti, it is not like the movies.  You must have an appointment to enter, even with US citizenship.

The Embassy website indicated that no appointment would be necessary for an emergency passport.  As I approached the entrance, the guard asked for my name.  I told him I didn't have an appointment, but I needed an emergency passport.  I handed him my expired passport, and he said NO, you are not on my list.  I asked him to check with someone inside, that I did not need an appointment for this.  He looked very confused that I would not need an appointment, but went inside to ask another guard.  The second guard came to me and asked why I did not need an appointment.  I explained, and he said come with me to the security screening.  Once we arrived there he called someone inside the embassy, spoke for a moment and then handed me the phone.  It was clearly someone who spoke much better English than the guards.  I explained the situation and he said, no problem and asked me to hand the phone back to the guard.  You cannot take cell phones into the Embassy, so I had to check my phone outside the security station.  Once inside the process went very well.  I would get a temporary passport, good for 90 days, and if I renewed within a year I would not have to pay again.  They told me it would take about 1 hour to process, at this point it is just after 9am.  I walked back out to security to use my phone and call Linda. She had been on the phone with the airline attempting to get a new flight.  Although, we had travel insurance, the airline essentially told Linda that the insurance didn't cover "stupid". If you missed the flight for a list of reasons out of your control, that was covered. But if you missed the flight for your own incompetence, they could do nothing about that. They wanted more than the cost of the original ticket to re book.  They did suggest that we go into the airport and ask the ticket counter to be merciful.  So as Linda is explaining this to me, I am letting her know that I should have a passport in about an hour.  We agree to meet at a pizza place to leave a car there instead of at the airport.  The owners live near us and said they could bring Linda down the next day to get the other car.  By 9:30 I have my temporary passport.  In Haiti this is nothing short of a miracle!  I head over to Pizza Amour and call Linda. She had just left the house, so I decided to eat while I was waiting.  She arrived and we went to the airport arriving just before 11am.  I walked up to the ticket counter and told the man that I had missed my flight.  With no hesitation at all, he said he would get me on the next flight, leaving just after noon.  He booked me on standby for the next 2 flights and said that I should be able to make them all.  Again, in Haiti this is a miracle.  The concept of customer service in Haiti is nothing like in the US, so this was not the response I was expecting.  I would be flying the same route: Port-Au-Prince to Miami to Dallas to Portland arriving at 12:30am.  Leaving 4 hours later and arriving 1/2 hour later than originally planned, at no additional cost...God can fix stupid, Thank you Lord.


Traveling to Oregon:
 Now that I have a passport, and a Ticket, I get through security and to the gate.  I look at the status of the flight and it is listing the passengers on standby.  I am number 32 of 35 people waiting to get on his flight.  I was certain, I would be calling Linda back to pick me up.  I believe that I was the last person to get on the plane.  Once I arrived in Miami, I needed to get through Customs and Immigration before heading to my next flight.  It took me a couple of try to get my nice new passport to scan at the kiosk in Miami, but it worked.  This however would be a hint of my return trip.  After getting through both Customs and Immigration, I headed to the gate for my next flight to see if I would be able to get on the flight.  I explained that I was on Standby and asked if I would be able to get on the flight.  She looked across the terminal and said she wasn't sure, but there was a seat on the flight right over there that leaves for Dallas now (1 hour earlier) and I could go on that one if I wanted.  I would be arriving in Dallas early, so that would give me time to eat before the next flight. I quickly rushed over and again I was the last person to board the plane.  Arriving in Dallas with about 1-1/2 hours to eat I ended up at this place called the Twisted Root Burger.  I ordered a burger, and instead of asking my name to call when the order was ready, they handed me a card with an actors name on it and said they would call that name when it is ready.  It appeared to me as they were calling names out that they were using actors from Westerns.  They called Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, and I had Slim Pikens.  Apparently they could not find too many actress names from Westerns, because they called Mae West and the next woman's name was Lady Gaga.  Not sure how that fits in.  I ate my burger, headed to the gate and boarded my flight to Portland.  The flight went well and we arrived early, so after all of the stuff that happened, I arrived in Portland 15 min after I was originally scheduled to arrive.  Julia was there waiting for me.  It was good to see her.  God was making things happen for me to get there.

Time in Oregon:
I will not go into much detail regarding my time in Oregon.  I was able to do some work on the house where 4 of our adult kids are living.  Very good to see them.  It was very interesting to wake up each morning to David sitting at his computer teaching English and seamlessly switch from English to Mandarin and back mid sentence. It felt very strange to drive faster than 25 MPH, and not have potholes everywhere, and tap taps stopping in the street, and motos weaving through traffic.  It was a very nice break to not have people asking for money every few minutes simply because they are actually starving.  I do not blame them for asking, but it was nice to not feel that burden for a few weeks.  I had the chance to visit with some people I have not seen for many years, and to visit some churches that are very special to us.  God is good.  I was also able to assist Permapost with their transition and exercise some of my mostly forgotten Excel abilities.  Of course, I purchased supplies to carry back with me.  I believe it was a productive and restful trip for me, two things that are very difficult to achieve in Haiti.

Return Trip:
I was very excited to return to Haiti.  I had not seen the family for almost 2 months and had missed a birthday (Naomi's 7th) with another arriving soon (Talitha's 17th).  Fortunately the return trip was less eventful than the trip in.  with the exception of every time someone wanted to see my passport.  The passport would not scan at the kiosk in Portland.  When the ticket agent asked why I had not renewed my passport while I was hear, I had to explain that all of my papers were in Haiti.  She said she had never seen a passport like this (it looks like a regular passport to my untrained eye).  She went on and on about how the passport would not scan, until I asked her if she could type the number in manually.  She looked at me like I was from a different planet, and then did exactly that.  Then I was off to security.  The first TSA agent took my passport, felt the pages like they didn't feel right and tried to scan it.  It did not scan for him either, he looked at it and asked me what is this?  I told him it was a temporary passport that had been issued by the US Embassy in Haiti.  He asked me to step to the side and wait there next to him as he continued to check other passengers through.  He called for a coworker on his radio and another TSA agent came and took my passport back behind the scanners.  He returned with another TSA agent to ask me questions, they all kept feeling the pages as if they didn't feel right, but they couldn't figure it out. After about 25 minutes they finally let me get into line for the scanners.  Just as I was getting through and ready to put my shoes back on a supervisor came from someplace and asked the TSA agents who had the questionable passport, and three of them pointed at me.  I showed him my passport and explained where it came from and he said he had seen this before and was not surprised they had not.  I made it to the gate 1/2 an hour before my flight and the rest of my trip was pretty uneventful.  By the way my passport scanned just fine when I arrived in Haiti.

Back in Haiti:
I arrived at the house in Haiti to a car that needed work, house batteries that would not charge, propane almost gone, and food supplies nearly exhausted.  It is good to be home.  Now that I have taken care of those issues it is time to focus on the next hurdle.  Next month we need to pay our annual rent payment.  This is a struggle for us every year as it is difficult to ask people to support us living in a home that the average Haitian could not afford.  However, we are seen as wealthy Americans and it would not be safe for us to live in a house without a wall and razor wire around the perimeter.  Many people in Haiti believe that all Americans have access to unlimited amounts of money.   And comparatively we do.  With a cost of living that is higher in Haiti than the US (for a similar standard of living), and 59% of Haitian live on less than $2 per day (according to World Bank in 2012).

We are looking to raise funds this month for our rent for the entire year.  Please prayerfully consider supporting us and our work here.  If you are unable to support us financially, please support us in prayer.  Prayer is the greatest tool that God has given us.  We serve a God who is bigger than the finances.

May God bless each of you,

Ron Sheppard

Mission Teams...Challenges and Struggles...

I will be honest with you, I have such reservations about short term mission teams. I see the harm that they can do and I wonder at times whether I should be involved with them. On the other hand, we are here living full time in Haiti and have spent many years organizing and leading short term teams. I know these teams also work within the hearts of team members and do more than the immediate service they provide on the ground.

We "try" to be strategic in how we do teams. Our whole focus is not coming in and changing a community and teaching them how to think like an American. Our focus is in coming alongside and assisting a community in their calling and their focus. This is why here in Haiti we work alongside two different pastors to help disciple, promote education, medical, and mental health services in their communities. We actually are in the background to a great extent within these communities and we want to remain that way. We do not "want" the village to think and believe the American/foreigner has come in and now we have money or resources or all the answers.  We don't have all the answers or nearly enough resources. And evangelism as well...we support the pastors and local community members in evangelism. I actually filter emails with potential team members that dislike this element. They want to come for a week and personally bring people to the Lord. But...without language and cultural understanding, I actually do not promote traveling missionaries to evangelize on our mission teams. Yes, they can share their story, but even Billy Graham was known to talk about the challenges of revival and dropping in to evangelize without discipleship.

In Latin America, and in Guatemala in particular, we come alongside volunteer fire fighters that graciously give their time and even sacrifice their lives to serve their own community. This is one thing that some of my providers struggle with. They may be a doctor, but I am asking them to be the "assistant" to a local paramedic. The goal is not for us to come in to "do" and receive some glory for saving the day. The goal is for us to assist and serve without being the person that is patted on the back for doing a good thing. We want the community to see the local fire fighter serving and remember that local resource which is there day in and day out in their community. We do not want them to remember the foreigner that came and helped them and then left the following week. We "assist" in the promotion of needs during our short term trips, but that is a small part of what we do in these communities. Our involvement does not stop there. We remain in the background with ongoing projects that we assist with while we are away. We hope to promote long term sustainability and social change through connections within the local community.

But I will be honest and say, this is not easy and we often fall short. This is not how my previous teams over the years were gathered or how they operated. We went into orphanages and brought supplies. We loved on the children. We "thought" we were doing a good thing. After all, we came and gave love. Aren't we told "and the greatest of these is LOVE"?  We loved, but we fell short on really evaluating the consequences of what we were doing. With medical teams, we "ran" a station and yes, had a translator. Each translator was trained to not give their opinion. After all, they are just a translator. They were trained to simply translate word for word and you better believe that if they did more than that, the provider (US doctor) would be offended that they did not do their job correctly. We provided, but we fell short on fully evaluating the actual needs of the community or population.

We put people up in a decent place. In fact, I was told, you have to provide comfort for teams or they will not come back. You have to provide good food and a nice place to stay. hmm...yes maybe. 

 But I have always admired the words of David Livingstone (missionary to Africa).

If you have men who will only come if they know there is a good road, I don't want them. I want men who will come if there is no road at all.

So, in Haiti, we go where there is no road. And at least part of each team hikes in to a very remote village. We sleep on the ground. We have no electricity in the villages. We bring a filter to drink water out of the river. We serve with people in a way that I really never imagined.

So much of my previous service revolved around doing, and doing, and doing some more. We brought in thousands upon thousands of dollars of medications and supplies. But what exactly were we doing? Very shortly after moving to Haiti I began to ask this question. We are treating for parasites over and over again, but people still do not drink clean water and--in fact--do not even have enough water to drink at all. We are providing prescription medications for one week and yes, maybe they are better for that week, but then what?  We are starting people on long term medications that they can never afford and are not even available in this country. Yes, they can possibly come back to that same clinic for the next team, but what are we doing to promote services that are sustainable within the country? Most ministry organizations have little plan for sustainability outside of them doing it. When that organization stops bringing in teams or stops providing money, the whole thing would collapse. And don't even get me started on "but we're teaching them about Jesus" mentality. Really? Really? Most people here in Haiti actually know about Jesus and they will love Jesus as long as you keep providing medicine or food or schooling. In fact, a ministry we were involved in "required" that the students attend their church or they would be kicked out of school. But guess what? During the summer when the school session was out, you only had a small handful of people attending that church compared to hundreds during the school year.  It's like we're inadvertently dangling this carrot and expecting people to jump for it. And I know that is not our intent and it certainly was not my intent. These are not easy questions and there is not ONE answer.

I was left with many unanswered questions. I still do not have all the answers and I'm sure I never will, but I do believe that the Lord called us into a season of observing. A season of reflecting and not serving as aggressively. We took a break from teams for a period of time and re-evaluated and re-grouped. We took some time for self care and began praying about teams. We opened our eyes and ears in order to learn from others. I am sorry to say that after over 20 years of international work, it took less then a year on the actual mission field to open my eyes a little wider. Wide enough for us to wake up and make a few changes. We no longer bring teams to orphanages to "love on" the children simply because it makes the team members feel warm and fuzzy inside.

The way I see short term mission teams and in turn the way I organize short term teams is very different. The way I see the "orphan crisis" and the approach I take in regards to orphanages and adoption is also entirely different. We still do two teams a year to Guatemala, one team a year to Ecuador, and a few filter into Haiti each year with us. We still do want and need people to literally come and serve. We NEED your support and your prayers while you are here as well- not only for the community, but selfishly for our family as well. It has been humbling and challenging to ask for support in new ways. When people literally come, they see first hand. Unless people come, it is hard to generate support. But we don't want people to come only to have to undo what they have done during that week. The teams we bring may not be as "fun" as holding a baby and handing out supplies. You will not see the distribution of anything you bring because we feel very strongly in supporting the local leadership and having them distribute gradually to their village. Some of these growing pains have been difficult and quite surprising to many people.  It is a continual journey where hopefully we grow and change as the Lord reveals to us new elements we had not seen before. Thank you everyone for your patience, your understandings, your continued prayers, and your ongoing support!

PS: If you are so called to donate to our efforts on the field--including sustainability of missionaries and trauma trainings--you can send a check to:  

World Outreach Ministries, Inc.

P.O. Box B

Marietta, GA  30061

(Designate for Ron and Linda Sheppard #546)

Or you can donate online at:   www.WorldOutreach.org/donations (just select our name from the list and follow the prompts).

Or you can even donate with Bill Pay via your online banking.

World Outreach Ministries, Inc.

(Designate for Ron and Linda Sheppard #546)

P.O. Box B

Marietta, GA  30061

Exciting Update from the Sheppard Family

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and following our blog and the details of our ministry. Your Prayer Cover is vital for the success of our outreach.  We are so thankful for your sponsorship which enables us to do what we are doing here in Haiti and around the world.

We are happy to announce that we now have a Missionary Agency assisting us!  World Outreach Ministries, Inc. will serve as our home office.  They will send Tax Deductible receipts to our supporters and facilitate Online donations from anywhere in the world [online gifts: www.WorldOutreach.org/donations].

Please direct all future support to their office and designate it for Ron & Linda Sheppard #546.  We want to make it clear that our ministry in Haiti is not changing -- this is just an administrative step that will help us in many ways.

In the year of 2016, we were able to not only coordinate medical services within Haiti, but also promote mental health services within Latin America and the Caribbean. We organized and lead two medical teams to Guatemala, two teams to Ecuador, as well as assisted with numerous medical teams within Haiti. Linda was able to travel and bring supplies to assist with earthquake relief in Ecuador last spring. We continue to be on the ground assisting in hurricane Matthew relief in Haiti. Our focus has remained on supporting sustainability (both for the local population, missionaries, and expats). This sustainability is improved through increasing trauma support around the world. Linda was able to present research last month on follow up trauma care at the Caribbean Regional Conference of Psychology.

We are thankful that we now have built up trauma trainers within Guatemala that have begun weekly trauma training for children in the village of Santa Maria de Jesus.  We have conducted two different week long trainings in Latin America as well as numerous trauma trainings both within the Haitian community and within the missionary and expat community in Haiti. These trainings have been a tremendous support to many organizations in their efforts on the field.

Ron and the kids have continued with projects in both villages of Belot and Nouvelle Terrain which has included: agriculture, medical care/transportation, education, discipleship, building projects, job sustainability, food assistance, water purification, and a range of other things in order to assist the pastors in their service within their villages.

These are just a few of the many things we have been able to help with over this past year.

But...we need your support to continue to do what we do!

Our home office has asked us to initially aim for raising $4,500 per month. Prayerfully consider sponsoring our outreach and adopting us as your missionary.



Supporting our ministry is easy and gifts are tax deductible:  


1) ONLINE GIFTS: www.WorldOutreach.org/donations - select our name from the list and follow the prompts.  You can also set-up automatic monthly gifts if you select the "monthly" option.  

2) CHECKS: mail to -- World Outreach Ministries, PO Box B, Marietta, GA 30061 and indicate for Ron & Linda Sheppard #546.  

3) BILL PAY: which you can do through your online banking.

As always, we appreciate your prayers and your support. You are a blessing to our family and we are thankful for each and every one of you!

Healthy Sustainability for Missionaries and Expats

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  I was raised by an adult MK (missionary kid) with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). My grandparents sustained on the mission field for over 45 years in China (and then also lived in other parts of Asia). Back then, you didn't pop in and out of the mission field. You went. You jumped in with both feet. You were committed. Not that we aren't committed today, but we have different options.  Now, we have different levels of being committed. Actually, I think many of our missionaries feel like they need to be committed. Sometimes I feel like I should just check myself into a center and eat jello and take happy pills while finger painting.

My mom in the front on the far right

Back in the 20's, 30's, and 40's, you literally took a slow boat to China. There were no airplanes that would cross the ocean. You did not go to your homeland for years upon years. Your family members would get married, have children, and die without you even knowing it sometimes, but certainly without there being any option of attending any of those events. There was sustainability, but healthy sustainability is something else entirely. My mother walked away from the Lord for the majority of her adult life predominantly due to the trauma she experienced on the mission field. She was angry at God.

My mother grew up as a "外鬼 (foreign devil)" in China. The other children in the villages would sing songs telling her and her sister to go back home. I wish I could call my mom and ask her the words of the song because she told me it many times, but I forgot to write it down. Basically, they were devils and were told to get out of China. But my mother had no other home. China was her home. She never really felt at home in the USA. Even years and years and years later, China still felt like home to her (in her mind). The China that she remembered was home, but the China she went back to for visits many years later was never quite the same. There was loss and grief and traumatic memories all tied up in the mission field and in China. She grew up during World War II: During a time of Japanese invasion as well as a time of civil war. There was bombing and fighting going on around her. They literally would run when the bombing was too close. On top of that, her mother was dying from cancer. Her mother chose to return to China and die on the mission field. They were dedicated missionaries. The price was high though.

My grandparents and my mother (Mary) and her sister (Lois)

I am not saying this to bash my grandparents. In fact, the sacrifice of my grandparents is a key reason I later came to know the Lord. I was not raised in a Christian home. Actually I was raised in a very anti-Christian home. But I heard stories about my grandparents and I would always wonder- what could possibly compel someone to give up literally everything to serve God? Their conviction, even though I did not really know my grandparents and did not really understand much about the Lord, inspired me.

Years have gone by and now we are on the mission field. It is a very different mission field than my mother experienced, but similar in many ways as well. We no longer have telegrams and slow boats to zig-zag across dangerous waters to avoid being bombed. We now have Skype, and FaceTime, and WhatsApp, and planes that can take us from point A to point B in an amazingly short amount of time. We do still have unrest, and danger, and trauma on the field.

Prior to us moving to Haiti, I spent quite a few years working with missionary families that had been removed from the field. They were often brought to me for therapy. I was asked to assess whether they were fit to return to the field. Often they did go back to the field, but many times they (or the mission organization) decided that they could not return. Very few of the sending organizations (or actually none that I worked with) had sustainability plans for mental health. They simply would remove them if they were in crisis. They would then bring them to the States and try to get them back on the field as soon as possible. This is not such a simple thing. Unless there is some sort of sustainability plan for mental health, more often than not, problems continue and tend to get progressively worse.

Here's a list of a few of the challenges (in no particular order) that many missionaries face which may contribute to being removed from the field:

1. Affairs
2. Pornography
3. Alcohol/Drug Addictions
4. Sexual Abuse of Missionary Kids (often by a trusted person in the home)
5. Anxiety/Breakdowns
6. Cutting/Suicidal Tendencies (often with MK's)
7. Depression
8. Rape/Assault/Hostage Situations
9. Domestic Violence/Verbal Abuse/Marriage Issues/Parenting Issues
10. Witnessing Trauma such as: Shooting/Death of someone they know or a stranger

This list could go on and on and on, but basically people are struggling. The immediate trauma and the secondary trauma is not only wearing people down, but causes long-term consequences for missionaries, NGO workers, and their families. People can go on the field strongly committed to the Lord, and committed to one another, and then be on the verge of divorce three months later.



Here in Haiti, it's a successful thing if you survive for three months and don't pack your bags and run to the nearest plane out of here. Not too many people make it beyond a year and even less will make it to three years. One missionary that had lived in numerous countries over the past 30 years made the statement that Haiti was the toughest mission field she had even lived on (including Afghanistan).
 
There may be many reasons for this beyond how "tough" this particular country is. I was talking to my aunt who is a psychiatrist and also does assessments of missionaries prior to sending them to the field. She made the observation that many missionaries in Haiti are not really "assessed" prior to going on the field. It is close to the USA and many just hop a plane and come. There isn't the same amount of training that you would see with a sending organization putting thousands upon thousands of dollars into sending a family to Africa or Asia or the Middle East.



And sustainability plans are not really something I see much of. Very few mission organizations or NGO's have mental health or wellness coordinators stateside. If they do, mostly these individuals only assess whether the person needs to come back to the States for "intensive counseling". Often this is for 2-3 weeks at a time. I have my doubts about this being a good "sustainability" plan for mental health. It seems more like a crisis management plan. More often than not, missionaries are expected to get any mental health services they need during their stateside trips which are filled with speaking at numerous churches, fundraising, visiting their family, and basically running themselves to the ground for a couple of months at a time. It's not really an ideal time to address additional mental health concerns.

If you have friends on the mission field, please spend some time praying for their mental health. Please consider encouraging self care for your missionaries in the field. Remind them that they cannot help everyone if they do not first help themselves. When there is a crisis such as a hurricane or another natural disaster, remind them to pace themselves.

If you are a missionary on the field: what is your sustainability plan? If it's a trip to the beach every three months, let me be blatantly honest and say that's not good enough. If it's a trip back to the States every year or every six months, that's not good enough. If it's a trip across the border to the DR once in a while, that also is not good enough. What is your daily, weekly, and monthly sustainability plan? What are you doing each day for your physical and mental health? What are you doing daily for your kids' physical and mental health? Please do not plan to dedicate to physical and mental health after the hurricane or after the school is built or after new staff comes or after and after and after because the need is NOW. It cannot wait until the crisis is over. If you've been here for more than three weeks, you probably already realize that there is one crisis after another. If you are waiting for the crisis to be over, you will just move directly into the next crisis.

Talk to other missionaries, develop support groups, go to a counselor before you are in crisis. Eat well (yes, this is incredibly challenging here in Haiti and very expensive), get adequate rest (this is the most difficult for me personally because I don't tend to sleep), and exercise regularly (ok...I kinda sorta have this one down with coaching CrossFit and gymnastics).

Find joy in day to day things with some sense of consistency. In a world where virtually nothing is consistent, it is important that we have some elements that are "the same".  I often speak on trauma and talk to parents with kids with traumatic pasts. One thing I tell them: outline past, present, and  future. For a person with trauma, yesterday can be a shattered mess that is all blurred together. Today is unpredictable and tomorrow may never come. One moment you were ok and the next you were harmed or witnessed something horrific. For us on the field, pretty much all of us have witnessed horrific things. This type of lifestyle tends to bring anxiety without us really identifying it or knowing it. We're walking around with our guard up waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Little (daily) things can help reduce our overall anxiety. I will share just a few things I do that may seem .....frivolous. I have my hello kitty slippers. I have a pink coffee cup. I have my mickey mouse watch. These "things" really don't mean anything to me. It's the moments of enjoyment and consistency that means something to me. I can breathe and focus in on the joy that pink coffee cup gives me. I can put my feet in my slippers and look down and smile. I can look at my watch each day and remember the amazing trip we had as a family to Disneyland. The little things really do matter.

I challenge you to find 20 things that bring you joy each day. Write them down. Check them off. Identify them and thank God for them each day. I don't mean things that bring the ministry joy. I don't mean things that are blessings to your family. I don't mean moments or details associated with being here such as helping this person with medical or doing something for someone else. I mean personal,
little things that are a consistent blessing to you each day.


PS: If you are so called to donate to our efforts on the field--including sustainability of missionaries and trauma trainings--you can send a check to:  

World Outreach Ministries, Inc.

P.O. Box B

Marietta, GA  30061

(Designate for Ron and Linda Sheppard #546)

Or you can donate online at:   www.WorldOutreach.org/donations (just select our name from the list and follow the prompts).

Or you can even donate with Bill Pay via your online banking.

World Outreach Ministries, Inc.

(Designate for Ron and Linda Sheppard #546)

P.O. Box B

Marietta, GA  30061

Stronger Through Weakness…

This is a post that I have been thinking about for a while. I struggle between being blatantly honest/depressing and being upbeat/optimistic about life on the mission field. To be honest, I have never been a very optimistic person. I lean more towards being a pessimist. In fact, the adoption agency we were with for so many years would always refer people to us saying, “Yes, let them talk to the Sheppards. That happened to them in their adoption”. If it was going to happen, it would happen to us.  I have often felt like I live an Eeyore life. The cloud of rain follows over my head regardless of where I go. 
 

BUT…this mentality is not very hopeful for support raising. You can't really say, "Hey, please help us live on the mission field. It is hopeless and discouraging, but please send some money." Nobody wants to hear, "Oh yes, this really, really sucks". It is not a positive thing to say to supporters, "We start projects with high hopes, but many of them are not completed". We continue to bash our heads against the wall, but yes, God is good. 

And in reality, I do actually believe that God is good in spite of it all. Projects not completed are not necessarily failure, but simply a change in plans that increases our perseverance and determination. BUT most of us are very result driven. "I" am absolutely result driven. I have a type A personality (in case people have not noticed). People want to hear that homes have been built, children survived, and progress continues to be made. "I" want to hear and see those things as well. This is especially true when there has been so much media presented about how various organizations did essentially nothing in Haiti with millions of dollars in support money. For me, I feel incredibly bad when even $25 or $50 goes to waste over some really stupid error. I want every penny accounted for. I want transparency for supporters. It’s incredibly disappointing to tell people that there are more people we DON’T help than those that we DO. There is more LOSS than there is GAIN. There is more PAIN than there is JOY. 

We need your prayers. This is HARD. We have had hard in our lives for many, many years. We have had a child go through chemotherapy. We have children that have moved on to be with the Lord. Our life has been complex and heartbreaking to say the least. And then came Haiti or more precisely, the mission field. The first year was one of the hardest years of our lives. It stretched us like no other experience. It continues to stretch us.

We are now three and a half years in. Ron and I both lost our mothers since we moved to Haiti. My mom passed away over a year ago. Ron’s mother just a couple of months ago. Being out of the country for some of these enormous life events has been brutal. Having grown children in the States while we are here has been difficult. Having our 22 year old daughter who is autistic and developmentally delayed living in the States while we are here has been heartbreaking. On the other hand, we have seen the Lord work through all of these details. I--for one--can't imagine living back in the States. 

We are finally moving into the "long-term missionary" mindset where we are at home on the field and no longer longing so much for things in the States. But the "home" that we have here in Haiti is rough. The life that we lead is still challenging. And I even hate to say this because I know "in comparison" we have it very good. How can I be whining and complaining about hot water and the whole dryer drama (which broke...poor Linda), when we do have a home and food and clean water? Most of the population has virtually nothing here.

There is a reason though that many missionaries or expats do not stay here in Haiti. We see so much loss not only in the communities we serve, but also within the expat community. There are many families that move in and less than 6 months later they are gone. Very few families stay beyond two years and even fewer stay beyond three years. Much of this could have to do with the whole "hope deferred" feeling.

We come with so much hope in this calling we have to serve the Lord. Maybe we are flexible. Hopefully we are flexible. We think we are going to plant a seed and things will grow (in a range of ways). But...often what happens is we keep planting seeds, but we aren't seeing any fruits of our labor. In fact, we are seeing just the opposite of that. We come with this longing and little by little that longing begins to fade. That hope that we had also begins to fade and in it's wake is tremendous heartbreak.

I have this necklace that I wear continually that says "Hope" on one side and "Espwa" on the other. I hold onto it every single day. I pray to the Lord that He will direct my hope in the Lord instead of building my hope in projects, or success, or things of people. This "hope deferred" is one of the most challenging aspect of living on the mission field. To me, it feels like this residual sadness that lingers over. But again....that could simply be my Eeyore mentality.

God is really doing something internally in me. I can't say that it is something that I particularly like. People that know me well have seen a different me and that has concerned them. My kids have seen a different me and that has concerned them. For quite a while, I have been saying I really need to "get a handle" on this and snap out of it. I'm a therapist for God's sake. I teach and counsel people on mental health and wellness and here I am blubbering half the day long (well...not exactly half the day, but more than is normal for me). It has finally dawned on me that this is not necessarily a "bad" thing. Being "Strong Linda" is maybe not where the Lord wants me. I believe God is making me stronger through weakness. For those of you that know me, I'm a pretty tough person. I'm not very emotional and tend to internalize and push through tough things. I tend to carry the weight of many things. For many years, I took that role in stride. Adopt a child- sure. How about adopt 12. Adopt a healthy child- sure how about children with heart conditions, and sickle cell, and cerebral palsy, and autism, and sexual abuse, and trauma histories, and chronic medical conditions, and fetal alcohol, and prenatal drug exposure, and microcephalus, and on and on...

OUR FAMILY

 Where is this person that took all of these things in stride? Now though, I am not exactly "taking it in stride" and I am finally realizing that this is a good thing. The type of things that I have seen here and the type of volunteer work that I do is beginning to wear on me emotionally, but it should. Yes, I did tough stuff in the USA. The type of clients I saw in the States was sexual abuse, and court cases, and kids harming themselves--and other people--and families falling apart and, on and on... There is HARD everywhere. The USA is not immune to hard stuff.

The difference for me personally is probably that, although I went home to hard (raising 14 kids with most of them coming from hard places), I also lived in the USA and could pop in my car and drive through McDonald's for french fries (I cannot tell you how much I love McDonald's french fries) or get a mocha at Starbucks. Ron and I could go on date night to a movie each week and for the most part not have anxiety that we may get killed in a political riot. For the most part, we could walk into the grocery store without fear of being robbed. For certainty, we could park our car and not be swarmed by people begging for money. We also were not stopped by police and threatened.  We didn't have people extorting money from us. 

"View" from our Home

"Actual" view from our home....

We didn't live beyond barred walls and inside a compound with concrete walls and razor wire. We turned on a faucet and amazingly water came out- even hot water. We could go to the store and buy boxes of cereal for next to nothing and gallons of milk. Gosh, I miss a simple bowl of cereal and milk. Here, that would be $12-15 dollars and you'd then have to use boxed or powdered milk. Just FYI: If anyone travels to Haiti and brings me a box of Lucky Charms, I will love you forever!


But in all seriousness, I realize there is tremendous pain and suffering in the States. There is horrific pain and suffering worldwide regardless of financial status and resources. I know this and believe that the USA is probably one of the most--if not the very most--challenging mission field because so many people simply do not NEED the Lord. And that is exactly why it was "easier" in many ways to do what we did while living in the states. We had more of a break from the continual hard. It was not "in your face" continually ALL of the TIME..

It is hard to see pain and suffering. It is even harder to FEEL this pain and suffering. I am glad that I still feel pain and am not numb to suffering, but it is incredibly hard to see the worst come out in people when they are in survival mode. It is hard to see the enjoyment people can take with other people's suffering. I had seen people die before we moved here. I had even seen people killed. But I had never seen someone stoned to death. I had never seen gangs of people laughing at another person being strung up and beaten or killed by their community.

I had never seen my six year old visit American friends at the Baptist mission and hear her talk about this person that died, or that person that lost both of his arms, or this other person that was killed for stealing some bananas all in the same sentence as "Hey, can I have a sip of your coke". 

And I know many people that have lived here who have not seen these things. I have known many people that have done the two day hike to Jacmel and had an amazing experience with no trauma involved, but "somehow" many traumatic things seem to happen to us or in our presence. And this is what brings the Eeyore mentality. I feel like saying "Really God? Really?" We just thought we would walk from point A to point B and get out of the traumatic junk in the city, but we're in the middle of trauma anyway.

Even through all of this, our calling here has remained strong. Our "vision" on the other hand, of whatever it is we are doing here remains about as clear as mud. Other missionaries continually contact me and say, "Linda, do you every wonder what you are doing here?" and I say "yes, every single day". All that I know is that God called and we showed up. That is IT. What we are doing, well....I have no idea, to be honest.  It's like trying to hit a moving target.

I can outline a plan for you. I can say we have a vision of sustainability for two different villages we serve which includes discipleship, education, medical care, agriculture, and a whole range of things. I can say I promote mental health services in the Caribbean and Latin America. I can say I do trauma work and trauma training as well as supporting sustainability for missionaries not only in Haiti, but around the world. I can say I have more clients in other countries than I do in Haiti partially because most people (including missionaries) live in survival mode here and burn out and go back to the states in crisis.

I can say mission organizations for the most part also do not invest in sustainability for their missionaries--especially in Haiti. The organizations may be more likely to invest in a missionary in Africa or Asia because it is a much bigger deal financially and otherwise to get them to the field and to remove them from the field. Due to Haiti being so close to the USA, I think many things are overlooked in the "preparing missionaries" process. 

So....although we were not exactly prepared, "somehow" the Lord has covered the difference. We are here and we are staying for the foreseeable future. We appreciate your prayers! We appreciate your support! And we so appreciate the ability to be transparent without judgment! 

P.S. I HATE to ask for support, but if you do feel led to donate, we greatly appreciate any and all support. We now have the ability for people to set up monthly recurring donations.

https://www.worldoutreach.org/index.php/missionary-support-2